dsrch

stuff from another old blog of mine (: i miss the old me.

Monday, February 04, 2008
just finished watching 2 episodes of cycle 1 of canada’s next top model and i actually think it’s better than antm. less fluff more stuff.

dp’s over, ulcers are gone, cny’s ’round the corner… and it’s high time to hit the books again honey. haven’t gone (window) shopping for a long long time…or had any me time for that matter. at all. haven’t stepped home for months. haven’t been to church for months. haven’t had ice cream for months. feels like i’ve been stuck in a muddy rut and now what.

okay missus, let’s go.

Sunday, January 27, 2008
i have a sudden craving for salmon sashimi, and cereal. cereal is funny, when you don’t want it they’re on every shelf in the bloody supermarket and when you finally do want it (bad enough to stock up on cold milk in advance at the risk of it expiring) all every shop seems to have is koko crunch and milo. what happened to honey stars the tastiest stars in the universe! and corn pops! and frosty flakes! and alphabits! and cocopops! (i love cocopops because it turns your milk into chocolate milk, just like THAT)

other than sashimi and cereal with cold, cold milk i think i’d fancy a bubbling steamboat filled with piping hot tom yum chicken broth and the works. and! and! although i just had it a couple of hours ago for dinner, boy what would i do for another bowl of that crazy shiok thai beef noodles with a ladleful of that mysterious sour, spicy concoction from seah im.

a bowl of tauhuay wouldn’t hurt either.

okay goodnight. (this is why people drool in their sleep.)

Tuesday, January 22, 2008
i walked into your room and fell in love with you all over again.

Friday, January 18, 2008
waiting for the results of my student exchange program application is a strange idea. i want so bad to escape from this place. yet it’s unclear what exactly i’m trying to escape from. tempting, the prospect of disappearing into some uncharted desert, never returning. but then i think of the countless times i’ve tried to do this, and every time i never seem to be able to escape from the one thing that remains constant, the person that i am.

Thursday, January 17, 2008
the saying ‘take it with a pinch of salt’ has just taken on a rather refreshing meaning for me. i don’t know about plastic surgery, although i can safely say i’m rather on the side of no-thank-you at the moment, but i have, in the past 3 months or so been agonizingly realising what they mean when they say things like ‘no pain no gain’. probably the most physically agonising ordeal i’ve had to experience since i can recall. other than, probably, when my bcg wound was in the process of healing, which was hell. no this is much worse, actually. because the wound was on my arm, which meant i could technically not inflict upon myself any unnecessary pain if i were to be a little more wary of where i stood so no one accidentally brushed up against my arm whereas braces affect the way i speak, the way i smile, the way i eat, the way i drink, the way i brush my teeth, the way i kiss, and ultimately the way i behave because of the hideous pain that i have to endure whenever a raw ulcer on my lip rubs against the metal wire or a sharp bracket. and when those ulcers come, they come in packs. i currently have 4 and they hurt like hell. i’m even wondering if this is the reason why i’m starting up my blog again seeing as i find it tremendously torturous to speak these days, there has to be some way i can express my frustration. you know, i honestly feel like (and a good part of this frustration stems from this sentiment) that i could be doing a much greater job at directing, be it for dp or the hongkong project, if i weren’t hindered by the pain i feel whenever i speak. i try not to show it, but its like… scratching an itch after someone has just peeled off all of your fingernails.

(ugh these ants on my table!)

and i don’t know if people realise it. i don’t know if everyone who’s had braces has experienced this agony at some point but i do think it aggravates the matter when someone’s prone to getting ulcers in the first place, which i am. thus, at this point in time, i’d say taking anything with a pinch of salt is probably going to be a bad idea for me.

i cannot wait, to remove my braces. there are literally a thousand things i’d rather go through than this pain. although, isn’t that how life is? I suppose i did ask for it.

what was i thinking?

Monday, August 20, 2007
SO!

ever feel so winded after getting off a ride that you just don’t know what to say or where to begin when asked ‘how was it?’ although there’s just an insane amount of words you’re bursting to say? that’s kinda how i feel coming back from america. it’s not like a scaled the everest, nothing like that. just small things. always the small things.

so now i’ve abandoned iloveamelica, and come running back to homegrown soil hoorah.

status: forever swamped by readings.

Thursday, May 10, 2007
hello humans

it is with utmost delight and relish that i shall tell you this: i am booked on a plane (a chinese plane, and this with not so much delight) bound for taipei and then los angeles (or elle-aye, as they s’aye these d’aye’s) and then i will be going to noo york noo york where i will spend three months or thereabouts working as i don’t know what yet! so, the point really is this: www.iloveamelica.blogspot.com is where these curious ramblings shall be moving to. the person moves, the ramblings have to move dunnit. twill nevertheless be linked up to the same ‘under my door’ guestbook so feel free (FEEL FREE) to say good morning to me in amelica (:

lots of love,

D.

Saturday, May 05, 2007
dear addy gave me this for my birthday!

in case your mirror writing/reading skills aren’t as good as mine, the red print on the brown box says ‘blooming in last winter’. my very own ‘deer brand’ thermal flask!!! this is love. spanks belly march areleen zhu (:

justin left yesterday at 4 aye-am in the morning and i was trying by best to keep awake till then to see him off at the eusoff porch thing but as addy and i lay in bed watching wet dreams (!!!, now don’t be alarmed it’s just a korean movie about young boys experiencing Puberty.) i fell asleep. yes i fell asleep watching young korean boys doing funny things with cucumbers. oh lord i was tired. so if you’re reading this justin! sorry man…and see you on the other side (:

shakespeare in the park was a great night out…with mary and ashok! hee, hee. though my neck’s a tad sore after all that twisting and turning to look at all the stuff that was going on around us…it was well worth it. now i get why they say shakespeare’s brilliant. it’s timeless fun…and we just should not be studying shakespeare in literature classes because it’s just WRONG! shakespeare wrote plays to be performed…not to be read as literature. heck i didn’t know what midsummer night’s dream was about but i had fun all the same. tonight i remembered how fun being a spectator in a theatre audience could be. pure, carefree spectatorship. to literally sit back, relax and enjoy the show, pure bliss (if the show’s any good). and did i mention the weather? it was Perfect. nice and cloudy-ish and starry and with the full moon out. no rain, but breezy. even the irritating girls sitting behind us who went “well we’re very comfortable here so you can sit if you don’t mind being cramped because we’re not moving our legs.” when i asked them if we could plop ourselves down in the empty space in front of them (why must they be like that ah. fishmongers) and the hoard of shrieking stnicks girls who squealed at everything, even they couldnt ruin the night (: go watch it if you haven’t! but beware..buying tickets at the door’ll cost you a whopping 45 dollars. (but if you ask me, quite worth it.)

okay it’s 6.45 aye-am now. and i must get up tomorrow to go to little india to buy my nose stud/ring. so, i bid thee farewell fair soul. adieu and good night. -flutters off with my fairy wings to sleep under my toadstool-

Thursday, May 03, 2007
has it never struck you that in real life nothing is ever decided by talking it out? one is never so alone, so convinced of the impossibility of resolving a situation as after one has tried to resolve it by talking.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007
i am a very naughty girl who is obsessed with calling in for the class 95 cashcall contest but never win anyways instead of doing what i’m supposed to do now which is to study for my south asian paper which is in about…three hours time.

ayah miss vernetta just pick up my call please. please please pleeeeeease.

Monday, April 30, 2007
lovely old things that ought to stay:

a) rickety, rusty, non-airconditioned red-and-white SBS buses.

(remember this buttonish thing?! i never knew which button to press.)

b) burnt kaya toast and runny eggs with too much dark sauce in a chipped saucer.

c) 30c Red Leaf pens. great for teacher’s day.

d) wooden plank see-saws.

e) furry animal stickers.

f) neon orange bus stops with matching roundabout seats.

g) white holey singlets.

h) sturdy, brown paper grocery/lunch bags.

i) the pencils with the little pellets of lead that you rotate when it gets blunt.

j) alphabet biscuits, milo and naptime on little miffy mattresses.

k) the small fishing game with the magnetic fishing line and the plastic fishes.

l) plasticine.

m) those tiny, hard stickers you stick on your ear lobes as pretend earrings.

n) tom and jerry.

o) plain orange popsicle that turns your tongue and lips bright orange.

p) cheesedale! cheesedale! tastes good with everything!

q) neopets.

r) seamonkeys.

s) school buses, school bus uncles/aunties, school bus bullies who always steal your lunch box, and the yellow school bus cards in the clear plastic pocket.

t) cranky bookshop aunties.

u) flag erasers.

v) the huge, thin, round colourful ’styrofoam’ biscuits from mamashops.

w) $10 ‘musical’ watches that whine ‘how much is that doggy in the window’ or ‘auld lang syne’ when flipped open.

x) kindergarten graduation photos.

y) white bata velcro shoes with white shoe ‘paint’.

z) KAAAAAARANG GUNIIIIIII -POR! POR! PORRRRR!-

Sunday, April 29, 2007
hen·o·the·ism /ˈhɛnəθiˌɪzəm/
–noun

1. the worship of a particular god, as by a family or tribe, without disbelieving in the existence of others.

2. ascription of supreme divine attributes to whichever one of several gods is addressed at the time.

[Origin: 1855–60; < Gk heno-, comb. form of hén one (neut. of heǐs) + theism]

Friday, April 27, 2007
i stayed up all of last night and this morning. funny how i never really plan to whenever such things happen. i think this is…the third time i’ve done it, in my life. i suppose i sleep quite abit more than one would expect a college student staying in hall would. i was sitting outside my room, reading, when the sun began to rise. it suddenly grew really chilly out so i grabbed my blue wool jacket. it’s crazy the racket those birds make as the sky began its almost magical transformation. i think it’d be really strange if there weren’t the bird sounds when the sun rose, it’d be like a silent movie. or like the sun rising underwater. insane.

(do you know that my room is so small, the ceiling fan so massive, and my bed so strategically, or unstrategically, placed that i think if the fan decided to fall, i’d have no dodging space.)

so i was sitting there, watching the midnight sky turn prussian blue, then cobalt blue, cornflower blue, then an amazing azure. and now it’s become a sort of fresh alice blue, peppered with clouds that look like small puffs of cotton wool that’s been tugged loose by two fingers.

i was walking towards the kitchenette to get some hot water when i saw the uncle cleaning out the rubbish in the bins. i said hello uncle and he said “hi. hi.” only half-looking as if he didn’t know if i was real. then i went back to sit on the bench and then the toilet auntie walked down the corridor in her home clothes and her bag. needless to saw how stunned she was to see me sitting there. (on a regular day i’d be stumbling out of my room well past the lunch hour as she sat at the bench outside my room eating lunch with her cute curly-haired companion.) it was barely half past six and they were coming to work. again, insane.

yet another thing that’s insane is the fact that i have just heard The Lizard click again and this time i’d had enough so i stood on my bed, stepped onto my fridge (nearly severing my head with the ceiling fan in the process) to see once and for all if it was on top of my shelves. at first i didn’t see nothing, but as i was about to step off my fridge i saw…a huge juicy fat lumpy piece of Lizard with translucent caramel-phlegm coloured skin and mean black eyes and that signature wide lipless smirk. it was half under a plank of wood, half sticking out. the flaming shelf unit has an entire hollow panel dedicated to The Lizard for crying out loud. it was having fun in its playground. who was i to stop it. (there is goes again.) it’s getting bolder and bolder, first it was just the little teases, the occasional souvenirs. then the clicks. then the lamp flickerings. well good riddance to bad rubbish, i’m outta here in a week so you can have this place all to yourself you little newt.

breakfast.

Thursday, April 26, 2007
i realise i still don’t know who left the kinderbuenoes outside lill’s and my room. if you’re reading this, please reveal your elusive identity. thanks (for telling me who you are and for the pleasant surprise).

question! you see a lone ant on your table, crawling around under wires over sweet wrappers etc etc. what would you tend to do?

a) ignore it totally. ants aren’t evil like lizards afterall, right?

b) stop all work and observe it for 5 minutes. what an amazing creature, this ant.

c) OH MY GOD AN ANT KILL IT KILL IT -BAM BAM BAM-

d) OH MY GOD AN ANT i shall follow it back to its colony then KILL THEM ALL

e) scream and run away.

f) start feeling itchy all over and obssessively clean your room.

g) spend all day trying to catch it to keep it as a pet. i mean, your pet termite could use some company.

h) drop hongyou (chinese medicinal oil) on it and watch it squirm to death.

i) pick it up and put it in your mouth. mmm, protein.

please slip your answer under my door thanks. or not.

this was just something my ant friend told me to help her do. a survey to foretell the future of her species. please. all you conservationists out there, help.

-wipes tear discreetly-

am listening to the 2046 soundtrack on Let’s Plant A Rabbit Tree’s itunes and watching mister rai’s webcast at the same time. they should really start playing background music during lectures, it adds to the….atmosphere. no actually, it destroys the whole lecture atmosphere which is why they should start doing it ASAP.

i have a new personal secretary, his name is shamintha shampoo xi fa shui my-exams-are-over man. feels great. my handphone was in his pocket cus i was carrying alot of things and he went back to his room without returning it to me and we were both too lazy to walk walk walk so he’s been relaying my messages and calls over msn. big boss am i, snigger snigger.

(shit, the 2046 soundtrack is really…like. dark chocolate soup.)

speaking of dark chocolate, back to south asian studies! love

(i feel like writing a play. in my mind a picture of 7 sisters in cheongsams walking into a room.)

Wednesday, April 25, 2007
people can get used to anything. self-mutilation, murder, doing online quizzes…

what sort of truck are you?

Car
Car
basicly you aren’t even worthy of being a MR truck. you stick to your limit of driving and being a vehile under 5 1/2 tonne…and try and not give proper drivers the shits…ok!
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What are you going to be when you grow up?

Pet Food Taster
Pet Food Taster
Yes, this is a real job. You will taste pet food not only to make sure it is safe but to see how tastey it is. Unfortunately, your taste buds will change and people food will seem different to you.
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

What original strawberry shortcake character are you?

Huckleberry Pie
Huckleberry Pie
Your Huckleberry Pie! One word descries you best…Tom Boy. Good for you Keep on Trukin. LOL
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

which wrestler are you

undertaker
undertaker
you are mean a great wrestler but you dont rub it in peoples faces,you dont talk. you are the lord of darkness
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

How is your gaydar?

Super gaydar!
Super gaydar!
You can spot a gay person from a mile away!!! That’s a good thing, if your straight you won’t fall for someone gay, and if you’re gay, you won’t hit on someone straight!
How do you compare?
Take this test! | Tests from Testriffic

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGGIE!

(okay, back to saundra k. ciccarelli & glenn e. meyer.)

Tuesday, April 24, 2007
alright. i shall resist the temptation to mention anything remotely associated with the subject of psychology. -resists-

did you know, that (and this has nothing to do with recycling paper or saving trees) the number of gunshops in the us of a outnumbers the number of macdonald’s franchises 10:1 ? and that a kid in america dies of a gunshot wound every three hours?

and since we’re already on the topic of death, here’s an extra treat:

every year, more people die from illnesses caused by smoking (in the us) than from accidents in motor vehicles, alcohol, cocaine, heroin (and other drug abuse), AIDS, suicide and homicide, combined.

WHO SMOKES? RAISE YOUR HAND. higher. don’t be shy. gan chou gan dang. i remember i used to throw my brother’s milk bottle into the huge longgang next to our house everytime i caught him waddling around the house (when he was younger, of course!) with his EMPTY bottle dangling from his mouth, eating air (literally) and getting stomachaches all the time as a result. him, i mean. not me. well not unless he decided to kick me in my stomach during one of his give-me-back-my-bottle fits. i’d walk up to him and pluck the bottle out of his mouth and run out into the garden to throw it over the fence. he’d rush out after me just in time to hear the PLONK of the bottle landing in the longgang water. then came the bawling, and the kicking. well SOMEBODY had to do it. so if one fine day i come home to find a cigarette dangling from his mouth, i suppose i’d do the same thing.

the moral of the story is, if you want to smoke, go ahead. but don’t cry when you get a stomachache.

(tomorrow is aggie’s birthday! my mother’s birthday, which is a cause for celebration too i think especially because if it never happened, then i’d never have existed.)

oh, the art of immaculate conception.

Monday, April 23, 2007
am going psycho studying psycho, i am.

(eating slurpy gravy noodles while reading your textbook isn’t going to help its resale value very much, really. i wish someone had told me that, last night.)

anyways, too much brain drain to talk. i’ll leave you with….this.

and this…

good night.

Sunday, April 22, 2007
ahem, ahem. introducing my “if-you-fail-i-don’t-friend-you” quiz! the only quiz not worth studying for! highest scorer gets a kinderbueno and a great big hug from me.

(actually i say only. i’ll just take the quiz myself and buy a kinderbueno for myself and hug myself.)

Testriffic Quiz Your Friends
Create your own Friend Quiz here

the reticular formation is an area of neurons that runs through the middle of the medulla and the pons and slightly beyond. these neurons are responsible for people’s ability to selectively attend to certain kinds of information in their surroundings.

it is this system that lets a mother hear her baby cry in the night, even though she might sleep through other noises.

so love is really just a bunch of cells.

good morning, singapore. let’s start the day with a nice little story

BBC NEWS
Sudan man forced to ‘marry’ goat
A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his “wife”, after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat’s owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

“We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together,” Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

“When I asked him: ‘What are you doing there?’, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up.”

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

“They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife,” Mr Alifi told the newspaper.
Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

Published: 2006/02/24 16:40:00 GMT

© BBC MMVII

instantaneity can be at once the most romantic thing ever and a total bummer. depends on your mood, really! how strrrrrange.

just a thought, that was. sitting in my room with my magic lamp ‘touched’-on, feeling nice and clean.

speaking of clean, it’s been about the only welcome distraction these past few days while i while away my hours sitting in ‘my little corner’, ’studying’. i mean, the unmistakeable smell that drifts past me that tells me someone just had a bath (: you know, i think if i was actually consistent enough, i would eventually be able to match scent of soap to person. room number even, maybe. how stalkerish of me eh.

OH MY FRICKING GOD. help me. the loudest lizard sound just came from like…IN MY ROOM. it’s damn loud. s a v e m e.

Saturday, April 21, 2007
Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

oh god knows what i’d give for 10 minutes on a swing right now. an enormous, breathtaking monster of a swing that’ll make my hair go WHOOSH and steal the slippers from beneath my feet. where, oh where have all the good swings gone?! (i used to have one at home, remember lills? but that wasn’t a real swing, it was the kind for old people because it had a floor and two benches and was quite sturdy, except after enduring all the cousin’s wild clambering and jumping it became quite squeaky and rusty and…fragile.)

sigh.

Friday, April 20, 2007
mary smith and i went to clementi today to eat at botakjones and to borrow some geeky sci-fi movie for eng hock’s philosophy and film module. we didn’t know how to get there by car (oh how pathetic) so we devised a plan to “follow that bus!”. so silly imagine us suspiciously tailing a number 96 as if we were up to no good. bumped into teesa at botakjones (: in the end someone beat eng hock to her geekiness and had borrowed it first. tant pis, tant pis. but! i borrowed three dvds: hard candy, eating air and lolita cannot wait to watch them, abit crazy considering i’m supposed to be studying very hard for the exams now. but, ayah what the heck right? (voice in my head: wrong.) RIGHT. so anyways oh we saw this pink mini cooper with a white top that was the ultimate cutesy automobile ever. took photos of it, haha. but it was too dark anyways. then i popped into watsons and got red nail polish, snigger snigger. at last, red nails. now whenever i’m craving for skittles, i can just look at my nails. actually that doesn’t really make sense. but my point is, having my nails painted in the obiang-est shade of 1980s red makes me feel so damn grossly alive. in a shoulder-pads, licey big hair, black stockings, big gold clip-ons kind of way. shhhllurp

i wish i lived in a country that wasn’t so obssessed with the idea of examining people.

celebrate obiang-ness! it’s time to bring back the bee-hive, ladies.

good morning!

every first wednesday of the month is BYOB day. so if you find yourself heading down to the supermarket or provision shop, please Bring Your Own Bag

(actually, just do it everyday.)

on an unfriendlier note, i have yet another lizard encounter to get off my chest this morning. if you’ve ever been in my room, you’ll know i have a nice little red lamp that comes on when you touch it. but only when you touch it directly, it doesn’t work if you touch it with an object. so anyways, i went to bed with all my lights switched off, and when i woke up in the morning, the lamp was switched on. (!!!!!!!) LEAVE MY LAMP ALONE YOU……lizard.

(i’ve been waking up for breakfast many many days in a row now! -pats myself on the head-)

Thursday, April 19, 2007
just something i wrote on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 in one of my numerous old blogs.

getting my results was such a whacked experience it was almost as if 12 years of institution-alisation simply hadn’t existed until then. but failure really is therepeutic, if that is true, which it is, even so it only applies to the first time it happens. consequently, it just sucks, i think. it, meaning failure, also happens to be very very relative. which is rather a tragedy. well when push came to shove, everything just turned out as we all predicted, i.e. projected reactions to projected failure from family and friend(s). except now i have an urge that seems to have snowballed, yet somehow managed to remain stifled under water-resistent pinafores that constantly change colour, to pack up and go a-walking around the world. what would i do for money? well work of course, occasionally, when it runs out. i’d save on hotel fees by staking out at 24-hour cafes (like starbucks) or, if i’m lucky, stumble upon a backpacker’s hostel that, contrary to popular belief, isn’t an international rapist hangout. i’d fill journals upon books with snapshots, coffee stains, scribblings, and pages and pages of pure subway-inspired writing. i’d, of course, get my hands on one of those iloveny shirts and wear it to sleep every night. its strange how people in america feel the same way about exploring asia as we do about conquering the us or europe. it’s not really that the grass is greener on the other side, it’s simply the possibility that there’s grass on the other side that one has yet to see. anyway grass isn’t grass till you’ve seen it. so technically, there is no grass on the other side if you haven’t been there. so i want to go there. but grass happens to be expensive, and i happen to be a very very bad saver. i shall begin, again, to try to save. and in the meantime, try to salvage whatever books i can from my sister’s bookshelf or whatever’s lying around because never again am i borrowing anything from a library after vidya laxhmi robbed me of, alot of money. well, here’s congratulations to those who did well enough for themselves in their examinations. see you on the other side. and if anyone’s reading this, please watch 28 days, starring sandra bullock. and now, i am off to work in my green apron, hopefully i’ll figure out my destiny while making someone’s day/coffee.

till deathdo us part.; 11:53 P

Wednesday, April 18, 2007
lascivious looks were exchanged tonight on the american idol stage, between (who else) sanjaya and one of the background singers. can you say, cringe ? i hope the final three will be melinda, jordin and chris. i think melinda’s the best singer, but jordin’s more versatile and very very good for a seventeen year-old (especially goosebump-inducing performance tonight!) and chris…well. let’s just say i love his eyes (:

announcement! if you’re reading this and you know what the Red Palm Deli is, (between fongseng and 7-11), do pop by because the food there’s really much much much better than whatever else you’ll be able to find down that whole stretch, and cheaper too. plus, the owner’s real nice (: they provide free deliveries and also! (wow i do sound a bit dodgy) barbeque and steamboat spreads! yay. so go.

where does a general put his armies?

in his sleevies.

hee, hee.

i think i’ve eaten quite alot today. -shuffle shuffle cough cough- i woke up for breakfast (achievement!) and ate some stuff i can’t remember what. had 2 cups of tea, too. i remember tasting salty noodles for some reason. then auguste the nice boy treated us to lunch at blooies where i had their portabello mushroom burger which was as good as it sounds (: ate dinner after watching les choristes, splendid film, and then! i suddenly felt hunger pangs at about one in the morning while studying english so i cooked up the second packet of kimchi noodles (thanks lills) which i seem to be addicted to. so, despite the day being full of achievements and other good people and things, i’m going to bed with a fire in my belly (not in a good way either, read: grumpy stomach) that refuses to be appeased by water and ice and everything nice. i think i should really start adding more water when cooking the kimchi noodles. but it’s damn shiok lah

i think i may well be making good progress towards yet another milestone achievement in life, other than waking up for breakfast more and more that is, a multiple personality disorder.

no matter, no matter. progress is always good, no ?

see you at breakfast tomorrow, then.

Monday, April 16, 2007
do you remember me?
i sat upon your knee.

blogger says, “now you can blog in hindi!”

examinations have taken on a life of their own. no longer merely the act of putting paper to pen. now it’s life-on-the-line, now-or-never, do-or-die. oh mama, it’s a blessing in disguise to be an under-achiever. you don’t waste your life away persuing meaningless things like an A.

what’s in a grade? that which we call an A,
by any other letter would smell as sweet.

or would it.

wouldn’t you rather be the inventor of tofu than get straight As your entire life? i would.

mary, i cannot wait for the 12th of may.

okay, announcement! tomorrow is ben & jerry’s free cone day!!!!!! starting noon tomorrow. BE THERE, OR DROOL AND STARE. (snigger snigger)

***
actually, i was thinking about aborting babies the other night. and i’m very intrigued by the idea that the world is divided into people who would abort babies and people who wouldn’t. (or so it seems in debates) no judgement made here but, it’s funny like…like in starbucks. different farmers would place different price tags on their coffee beans, some farmers would consider a batch of beans worth selling while others might discard it without giving it much thought. i guess if you’ve got lots of beans, or if you’re used to throwing your beans away, you’d be more like the latter. while some farmers, well, no matter how hard they try, they just can’t grow beans. what’s the point of arguing over the exact point when a bean becomes a bean? a bean’s a bean, even in the mind.

i get a stomachache everytime i think of crushed baby’s heads. do you?

a) the company that cleans our hall is “uniclean” and the cleaners wear workshirts that have the word “uniclean” on the back. except it always looks like “unclean”, somehow.

b) people, up to a certain point in our lives, have hopes and dreams for a future. when you’ve begun counting down, however, you realise you’ve nothing to hope for or dream about, except…death? this is why, there are always more old people in church. the fact that life is a prelude to the real life in heaven is all there is left for them.

c) today there was a caucasian lady in front of me in the communion line, who, after receiving the host from father paul, did not put it in her mouth. she walked away discreetly but, alas, not too discreetly under the watchful eye of the warden standing close by. he immediately confronted her about it and apparently (i was halfway back to my pew by then, couldn’t really make out what they were saying) she refused to eat it and wanted to bring it back “for her husband”. they had a mini tussle all the way back to near the back of the church (i was quite kpo) and i caught certain snippets of their exchange like (the warden kept shaking his head and blocking her way) lady: “i can, and i will.” then i realise her “husband” was had come to join her and she had given the host to him and kept asking him to “just swallow it, now.” then father paul came along and started listening to what she had to say and then explaining (i assume) very patiently with a smile on his face all the while one would think he were telling his mother what he wanted for christmas. i don’t know what happened in the end, but it was all very interesting indeed. maybe, he wasn’t a catholic and was afraid to receive the host (but then again, all you had to do was hold your hand out and say amen.) or maybe he was afraid he’d go to hell if he did, but how would eating it out of your wife’s hand make a difference to that. i think someone once told me about people who go for masses and communions and sneak the communion wafers out of church, collecting them at home. god knows what they do with them, huh. i guess hunger really does exist.

d) family’s a very strange concept to me, in all senses of the word.

(get well soon ahma!)

Friday, April 13, 2007
good evening, friends.

today feels like a good day to dispel some myths.

koro (a culture bound syndrome, type of mental disorder): found primarily in china and a few other south asian and east asian countries, involving a fear that one’s genitals are shrinking.

so you see, sometimes it’s in the mind, not in the pants.

i’d show you a picture of how my room looks now but i have next to no idea where my camera is and even if i did i’d be too lazy to upload it and all. so you’ll have to exercise your imagination a tad here aiight: basically the bed is smack in the middle of the room, and the bedside table is very oddly placed in a strange ang

le against a corner of the room with my 70s horoscope ladies poster atop it, and the fridge beside it. quite impractical really because i keep having to clamber over my bed to get from one side of my room to another, no point making my bed anymore then (: but it’s cosier, and i’m quite sad that i’ve to say bye bye to e208 in a couple of weeks. room bidding today, and i’m booked at d302 for next year…hmm. what colour shall i paint my walls ?

(bad news never had good timing.)

i’ve screwed up my psychology essay, turns out. sigh. and today i’ve been so flushed walking around like a bad case of blusher overdose. feels like menopause.

(but i know the heart of life is good.)

oh yes check out the new link “lunch”. yummy.

the exams are like cars on a very long highway whose headlights are getting brighter and brighter. and all you can do is freeze in the middle of the road, paralysed. run away! run away!

on a brighter note, i’ve met a couple of awesome people lately, eugene who hails from toronto canada, and china, who calls the steamboat a hotpot, and who’s too ashamed of his messy room to show it to me (really, it can’t be that bad!) and who’s going to visit me in new york! joe who hails from singapore (ahaha) and who shares his music, which is always a good thing, and who’s a kind chocolate-giving soul (: oh and donuts too. gotta love a fellow foodie.

honestly, sometimes i miss random people from my past so much it’s funny. it’s like finding an extra long french fry or “conjoined” m&ms or a ginormous potato chip when you stumble upon a memory. you just go “!” and “(:” or “:(” sometimes but it’s…nice.

and here, is a piece of evidence. i do study. and lills does wake up from her beauty sleep sometimes and her eyes are really quite pretty when she’s in this state, awake, that is.

my cousin of yours is da bomb. “bom.”

siao.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007
jack johnson on a rainy day (: j’aime.

horrors of horrors, i woke up feeling oddly serene this morning. then suddenly realised why when i looked at the clock. it was past nine and my alarm clock was supposed to go off at 7am so addy and and a grumpy me could go for breakfast but why, it didn’t! because, i didn’t activate the bloody contraption. idiotic metal junk. so i was late, and had to take a taxi down into planet ntu which robbed me of ten dollars, on the way i grabbed some coffee, cold

dang nesbit.

plus, french test was horrible. like oily, cold french toast. disgusting. yucks, pwee. you get the point. like the essay? “faut-il montrer ses sentiments?” (should he show his feelings, or something to that effect.) LIKE HELLO?! what the hell are you talking about. it was supposed to be an argumentative essay. so to hell with it i discussed whether or not “he” should tell the girl he likes that he likes her. some others wrote about discussing political issues openly, and a couple wrote about if people should talk about their problems with family members and friends. oh mary.

OH speaking of mary, XJAE that word that you somehow said during lunch just now that means behaviour?! i don’t know how it somehow stuck with me and it actually came out in the comprehension ecrit, about people dying on french roads. or something. comprehension orale was the shit, some radio program that went so quickly i almost laughed out loud. well i tried.

okay so at least, that’s down. now there’s claire’s exam tomorrow, then french oral test on thursday and then i can really start studying.

you know it’s bad when you’re looking forward to hall dinners.

look! a guestbook!

okay here’s the lowdown on what’s good on the telev. nowsa. (oh shut up.) uh, nothing. except! this new series perhaps, ‘do not disturb’. something like, neil simon’s california suite but on tv, and in a local context, and probably the only thing i have on my cable-less tv access on campus worth watching. monday nights at ten pee em on arts central okay ? don’t say i never tell you ah.

shit i’m supposed to be studying french for my test tomorrow. bloody subjonctif. i feel like impailing my eyeballs with my hunter green chopsticks. and i’ve to get up at an unearthly hour tomorow to get to ntu for claire’s rehearsal. then rush back for a what? french test.

merci beaucoup.

Monday, April 09, 2007
just a little something i was wondering about and decided to go a-snoopin’ about around the world wide web. (museum of menstruation and women’s health, in case you’re interested to know. wink wink.)

“She said her mother never wore underwear either and at home just tucked the sheepskin between her legs, but hers did fall out from under her skirt once in a while, and she often was reaching under her skirt to adjust it. We decided it was because she was so thin versus my mother whose fat thighs kept hers in place. (I have no trouble walking around with one stuck between mine either.)”

“Now, a word about birth control. My grandmother believed that a woman who had too many children was “too lazy to get out of bed” and clean up, and said so often and with disdain.quilting squares of cotton, rubbed lard into the cloth (about four inches square) and used it like a diaphragm during her fertile period (she kept track of that too) and would get up and clean afterward. She said when Coca Cola was available it was easier to use, you just shook up the bottle and inserted it to douche and the six ounce size was perfect.”
so ladies, never look at your sanitary pad the same way again. and coca cola bottles too.

Sunday, April 08, 2007
happy easter.

so, i’ve been thinking. the story of jesus is really a very very interesting story, à grace des plus raisons. let’s just say that this guy jesus was either a fantasically proficient liar or the greatest man that ever lived. but let’s face it, either way his is still a damn incredible story, pun intended. i was watching the passion recut the other night, and found myself being enthralled by how, despite knowing the story of his crucifixion inside out, i could still be shocked at the visual violence of the movie. i wonder why they hadn’t picked the passion for our film and history module last semester. perhaps the controversy would’ve been too hot to handle, but then again, what’s history without controversy? my point here is, when we watch movies, say when we watch babel or some other realistic, fictional film, we know the story was made-up and yet we suspend our disbelief for a while, letting ourselves wander in this land of make believe, sometimes even feeling emotions so strong to the point of tears. such is the power, or should i say, point, of movies. so by making movies like the nativity and the passion of christ which tell stories of the birth and death of jesus respectively, are you not at once subjecting something considered by millions as sacred and ‘untouchable’ to the open interpretation of any one director and at the same time portraying this man-made image, albeit ‘based on the scriptures’ (god knows how accurate they were), as infallible to those who do not know better? so what if you’re touched by the immense sacrifice this guy jesus made for the world at large, dubious as it is that he would die such a humiliating and painful death for people he hardly knew considering they’re people of generations way way down the line like…uh, us. you can cry at be with me simply because you feel for a character’s loneliness, but all you’re doing is relating to the universal emotion of loneliness, you know that character doesn’t exist per se, he is a representation of millions of others. so what’s the story, jesus? watching the movie, somehow i find it easy to slip into those snug shoes of kindly cynics, some jesus man goes around telling people to love each other promising a true life somewhere up there after this prelude we call life then proclaims to be the son of god going around turning water into wine and healing the blind, bringing the dead back to life then ends up being accused of chasing devils out with the devil’s own help. the story effect: the very effective nature of the story makes the story a tough pill to swallow. would you be just another fool who fell for it at the end of the day, when judgement day turns out to be just, another day. and good friday turned out to have been just 700 fridays that could’ve been spent eating satay?

today at easter sunday mass, the franciscan friar quoted some philosopher who said religion is like gambling. believing and living out your belief is like placing your bet, and choosing otherwise like so. at the end of the day, if all this was a big fat lie, and jesus just another j for joker, you lose your bet. he said what’s the sense in not betting since what you lose if you don’t far outweighs what you lose if you do, whatever the outcome ? what a thought.

g for god, g for gamble. g for gimme a break will ya?

Friday, April 06, 2007
monday’s child is fair of face
tuesday’s child is full of grace
wednesday’s child is full of woe
thursday’s child has far to go
friday’s child is loving and giving
saturday’s child works hard for a living
but the child that is born on the sabbath day
is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

Thursday, April 05, 2007
i have a very bad crick in the left side of my neck. i think it’s to do with the way i slept. we stayed up talking shanny joe and i outside my room, till 7am when we went for probably my third ever hall breakfast. then i slept from about 8.30am to 3.30pm and woke up for french at four. we had french debate practice again and this time it was l’avorture..abortion. great.

time to memorise scripts.

like a dream (:

i’ll miss the e2 wall…

jitvern & joe, the new Pokka ambassadors.

darling producer eva k’neeva and i at the uh, afterparty.

blame the blah hall dinners.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007
it’s true, i do give people white hair.

sally and i, over-accessorizing.

the cast of yellow (from left: adeline ‘xiao yun’, ashley ‘ah suan’, meiyi ‘ah ling’, rachel ‘ah neo’, bryna ’sally’ and jit-vern ‘ah long’) and me ‘ah dee’

the E2 girls (:

t’sa and i, and the impailed sotong ball.

bonjour! let me tell you what my french test looked like (in english, of course).

there was a paragraph of nonsense (to me) about some loch ness monster -ish legend, except it was about un loup (a wolf) and some blanks in between that we were SUPPOSED to fill in. with coherent, wise answers, no less. then there was the part that i think i could have done, relatively, well in…the animal proverbs part. hahahaha. ‘Elle mange comme un oiseau!” She eats like a bird. then there was another big chunk of words, this time about the history of France, or something. another cloze passage. then there were 3 questions worth 5 marks: the first one asked me where did the French language come from, the second asked me to write a french regional dialect, the third asked me to write the name of a French medieval author. then there was a last section. but really, if you ask me now i simply cannot for the life of me remember what it was about or what i answered because my womb is bleeding and i am in real pain.

pain in the womb. wounded womb. i am wombded

Saturday, March 31, 2007
this first time director wants to say…

that she is very very, very proud of her cast. like how proud, you have no idea (:

of xiao yun for bringing the best out of my crocs and previously-worthless-now-priceless fa cai massage stick, for sticking the vicks up her nose despite it’s unbearable smell, for being so damn committed even through all your project and assignment shit. addy you’re so much stronger than you think.
to ah neo, i proudly award thee the most improved actor award, NOT because i cannot find anything else to say or there are no other awards to give, as is usually the case for other most-improved awards, but simply because you have no idea how long you’ve come since i first auditioned you in my room (remember?!) from cinderella’s mouse to big bad wolf, not easy at all. for bearing with my incessant naggings of “more chorlor!” and for going to ginza with me for some last minute shopping and thank you for being so earnest and open to suggestion and just being a total joy to work with (:
to ah suan, for your consistent, comforting presence and performance at every rehearsal…for bringing sunshine into gloomy, tiring nights with your adorable laugh that i swear is perfect for ah suan and it’s SO not an insult okay! old people’s laughs are the best. thank you for trying so hard to master the hokkien accent and succeeding damn well, must teach me cantonese okay?!
to ah ling, for being so so so patient with my “louder” and “cannot hear” and “cannot see your face” and i’m so sorry for making you run from eusoff to lt13 and back again that day straight out of bed! thank you for committing to bringing out the still confidence of ah ling even though it’s so difficult and thank you for telling me how you look forward to rehearsals because you have no idea how little things like that are so reassuring to me (:
to sally, dear sally, sorry for being pekchek sometimes about you coming late, well it all turned out well in the end, i hope this, for you, was worth being so stressed out about your overwhelming amount of schoolwork and tests and chinese essays (shudders)…thank you for making sally come alive, and making her truly someone to remember. thank you for being willing to be hideous-fied for the sake of Yellow. thanks for being such a fantastic senior and equally fantastic cast member because i don’t believe i ever told you that in vj and because in vj, i would never have imagined me directing a TSD senior. and of course,
to ah long, the uh, not rose among the thorns lah hor, uhhhh the ang ku kueh among the gao teng kueh! ayah basically, being the only guy in the play, thanks for bearing with our occasional pmsings and time-wasting ngiak ngiak ngiak periods, for being so patient and understanding even when you were so bogged down with jcrc commitments, school work and even…hunger! in the true spirit of ah long, your quiet confidence and steadiness really, even if you don’t realise it, anchored the play. thanks for really being there unfailingly throughout, respect brarder (:

i’m so proud to have been able to work with such a wonderful cast of people that’re as brilliant actors as they are lovely people, it’s been no work at all guys, and i’ve made 5 amazing friends (and 1 helluva cousin), what more could i’ve asked for? (UH, MAYBE A TREE GOBO AND A PROPER PARK TABLE, but it didn’t matter in the end lah huh (: )

so many more things i want to say, but actually, it’s mostly feelings that cannot be expressed in words…just know that your performance left me (and many others) speechless tonight, for more reasons that one. we’ll meet up soon for lunch/dinner/supper OR MAYBE…..breakfast at ginza. (:

no more kueh kueh, promise.

Love,
Ah Dee.

thank you my friends who came to watch our baby, whether you’re indian, chindian, malaysian, omani, chinese, ABC,indonesian, vietnamese, canadian, singaporean, srilankan or gay. whether you understood half the play or not. thanks for coming to support us and i hope you guys enjoyed yourselves! next year, come for auditions ah. don’t scared. i’ll only beat you if you’re naughty.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

happy today, i am happy today!

let’s see. i woke up at 9.45 a.m., went to pee, went back to sleep, woke up at 10.30, went back to sleep, woke up again at 12 noon, half-went back to sleep then i finally got up with a skip and a hop and a smile at 12.30 p.m. and addy and i went to the new provision shop behind called the red something i forgot what to dabao lunch.

(p.s. you really shouldnt display banners announcing that you’ll provide photocopying services at 4 cents per page when it’s actually 4 cents only for 100 sheets and above if not it’s 10 cents. cheaterbugs!)

anyways. i want to eat the macha icecream at ai takeaway one day! so okay, i bought laksa and lills bought chicken rice and we sat at a1 eating. very nice! will go back again. i want to buy so many things from there like the organic cranberries and joseph’s peanut butter/sugar/chocolate chip/oatmeal cookies and the children’s honey lemon lollipops and the sesame spread and the apple cider and the everything.

today’s such a nice and windy day. sunny but not too hot. if only there were more real birds chirping and less metal cranes making that BOM BOM BOM sound. plus! it’s a thursday, i.e. urban day! but today’s urban’s not fantastic. i want to watch the history boys and paris je t’aime!

speaking of which, i have to get back to preparing for my french debate which is uh, in an hour’s time. la chasse! vous êtes pour ou contre? (zzzzz…)

Tuesday, March 20, 2007
today i received a call. it went something like this:

*ring ring*
me: hello ?
shrill voice of auntie: HALLO ? THIS ONE CK TANG HAH ?
me: uh…no.
s.v.o.a: HAH ???
me: uhm, wrong number.
s.v.o.a: LONG NUMBER ? OKAY OKAY. (mumbles unintelligible dialect in the background before putting down the phone.)

so sleepy today. damn tired of all this nonsense already. i am absolutely, even more now, positive that all girls will grow up to be like their mothers. even though (and especially if) they really detest their mothers now and are very very very very very sure they will NEVER bear any resemblance whatsoever to their abus in the future. it’s inevitable. as inevitable as someone smelling your fart if you let it rip in a crowded lift.

thank you byebye.

Sunday, March 18, 2007
just got back from old-people watching at ginza market i stand by the opinion that old people are the most fascinating people ever. i could just sit there and watch them all day everyday. there were the tables of twittering nasal-voiced old ladies, some crossing their ankles, others with one leg propped up digging their toe nails or plucking their toe hair whichever (i wasn’t up close enough to observe such intricacies haha), then there were the throngs of ‘em with the market trollies (seems very hip among the white-haired community) and the various ways they push/pull them, the lonely uncles who sit at a table by themselves, stirring their kopi-o with one hand and scratching their ear with the other’s little finger which often boasts a long, yellow fingernail, then there’s the tables of old men watching maids walk around the market in their too-small hand-me-downs…hmmm. the occasional table of females with one old chap sitting among them. the ex-cassanova (: the newspaper stand lady sits there watching the world go by. and of course the ahlong & ah neo type walking around either sharing an umbrella or helping each other carry stuff. i noticed how the old man was always walking a step behind the old lady, more often than not being scolded by her. i guess henpecked marriages last the longest, makes sense.

we went walking around the shops near the market looking for costumes and accessories. WAH DAMN SHIOK. hahaha. everything’s so cheap and so cuuute. we bought ah long’s ahpek shirt for 3.90, couple of old foggie glasses for a buck each, super super comfy rubber slippers for ah suan and along, splendidly ahma matching blouse and pants for xiao yun, but couldn’t find spectacle chains. didn’t know tingkats were so expensive! 25 dollars! siao.

food was yummy. tau hway with you char kway, porridge, fishball noodles! fried carrot cake black black one, mee soto, and this malay kueh made of sticky rice rolled into balls coated in spicy coconut!? siao. but damn shiok. sssshhhhlurrrp (: oh and the TEH and KOPI. ayoyo… who’s up for next ginza breakfast ?

too bad i didn’t take fowtowgrafs hor. but i suppose them oldies wouldn’t much appreciate camera lenses being stuck up their noses while they’re trying to eat NODDLES or smoke a ciggie. but now i think about it ah, i could’ve used my handphone…discreetly. ohwell. don’t die on me just yet now! sing with me! hold on….be strong…live long long (: what am i saying.

I LOVE YOU OLD MEN AND WOMEN GAYS AND LESBIANS TRANSEXUALS AND HERMEPHRODITES!

siao.

Friday, March 16, 2007
we stayed up till six am playing monopoly today, brother, ahma, shampoo and i. well technically they stayed up till six am playing monopoly, i gave up around 5am. i’m losing my monopolising touch. bugger.

so we slept for 3 hours. then woke up and i had to rush off for french, a whole day of classes too bad, i would’ve liked to take brother to macdonald’s for breakfast but i had to abandon him BUTTT knowing him, i wasn’t all that surprised to find my mother and inda pottering about in my room when i came back from psychology lecture. my room is spotless again like magic like that. even the fan seems to be moving faster. apparently brother called aggie with complaints of boredom and obviously somebody was too lazy to take a puny bus ride to clementi and called his mother dearest to come fetch him. hur hur.

OKAY. the lizard is getting too much. pathetic piece of slimy goo is taunting me, pushing me closer and closer to the edge of reason each time i open my room door to find a small lump of fresh, wet, warm, black shit. with a little white dot. every. single. time. at the exact same spot in front of the television. one day i’ll go mad looking at lizard shit.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007
alright here’s the deal. picture this, tiny itsy wee bit of a hole in the middle of a vast, seemingly unending surface of ice that reaches beyond the horizon and be-be-beyond. a lonely fisherman squatting there trying to catch a fish. i’m the fish. i’ve waited all my life (well, seems like i have anyways.) for this “big” break (but actually this is a lousy analogy because it’s not like fish need to come out of the water for air, so let’s change me into some sort of an amphibian with super lungs) and i see the light! at last! so i swim to the surface and pop my head out of the hole in the ice for a little breather and i see this old foggie trying to catch me and fry me and eat me. and i don’t care. because i’d rather stop breathing altogether than hold my breath for one. more. second.

okay, now that i’m done ranting via analogies that are lousy anyways, i shall proceed to see if i have anything interesting to say.

hm…

okay today i met mother aggie, sister, brother and sister’s fiancé for sister’s birthday dinner at an italian restaurant at chip bee gardens called da paolo. food’s yummy, ambience is comfortably elegant you know not too atas, and i liked that the table cloths were white, thick and slightly crumpled. ate some pasta thing with seafood (the prawns were really succulent (?) and fresh and orange) omg i just totally spaced out because i forgot where the question mark key was on the keyboard. daim somebody’s growing old. so anyways, we had tons of dessert, oh but appetizers were great too, portobello mushrooms and bacon&melon and calamari. dessert was some chocolate cake soaked in brandy (!) and brother had some vanilla pancake with icecream thing, adrian had a capp and sister and mother had nothing. the former had a hugeass ulcer. anyways when she went to the little girl’s room i got the waiter to bring us a tiramisu with a candle. such things ah, so expected yet timelessly exhilerating. who says clichés have to be passé? (:

as usual, tons to say, small stuff flooding my brain as i type but too many to say. like un-clean (okay uniclean) auntie coming into my room to give me 3 small nougats (: and learning poker while eating donuts and giving the worst most disgusting presentation about indians, and hearing my mother and sister telling adrian about what a dilly-dallying little girl i was when i was little, and studying on d4 with footballs flying topspeed at me from the other end of the corridor, and dodging flies with ahma while window shopping online. (WAH PUN DAY PUN DAY. window shopping online, get it? like, the window on the computer…hehe)

when the ice melts, she will cry.

okay, later.

Tuesday, March 06, 2007

song for a daddy

i think about how it might have been
we’d spend our days, travellin’.
it’s not that i don’t
understand you it’s not that i don’t
want to be with you but you only wanted me
the way you wanted me
so i will
head out alone and
hope for the best
we can hang our heads down as we
skip the goodbyes
you can
tell the world what you want them to hear i’ve got
nothing left to lose, my dear so,
i’m up for the little white lies
but you and i
know the reason why
i’m gone
and you’re still there i’m gone
and you’re still there i’m gone
and you’re still there.

i’ll buy a magazine
searching for your face
from coast to coast or wherever i find my place
i’ll track you on the radio, and
i’ll sign your list in a different name
but as close as i come to you it’s
not the same.

so i will
head out alone and
hope for the best we can
pat ourselves on the back and
say that we tried and if
one of us makes it big we can
spill our regrets and
talk about how the love never dies
but you and i
know the reason why i’m gone
and you’re still there.

so steal the show and do your best
to cover the tracks that i have left
i wish you well and hope you find
whatever you’re looking for
the way i might’ve changed my mind
but you only showed me the door.

so i will
head out alone
and hope for the best we can
pat ourselves on the back and
say that we tried and if
one of us makes it big we can
spill our regrets and
talk about how the love never dies but
you and i,
you and i
know the reason why.

Monday, March 05, 2007

hello (: these, and those, are photographs of the night when kim, yeekiat, lills and i went to sanctuary to celebrate kim’s birthday. it was chingay, but who cares about chingay when it’s kim’s birthday? pictures have been long overdue because blogger’s getting so clogged up, the only thing that’s stopping me from hopping over to lj is the lazy lady in me.

current state of mind can only be expressed like this:

i could be the waitress
in the airport restaurant
full of tired cigarette smoke and unseeing tourists.
i could turn into the never-noticed landscape
hanging identically in all the booths
or the customer behind the chronicle
who has been giving advice about stock portfolios for forty years.
I could be his mortal weariness,
his discarded sports section, his smouldering ashtray.
i could be the 70-year-old woman who has never seen hawaii,
touching her red lipstick and sprayed hair.
i could enter the linen dress
that poofs around her body like a bridesmaid,
or become her gay son
sitting opposite her, stirring another sugar
into his coffee for lack of something true to say.
i could be the reincarnated soul of the composer
of the muzak that plays relentlessly overhead,
or the factory worker who wove this fake oriental carpet,
or the hushed shoes of the busboy.

but i don’t want to be the life of anything in this pitstop.
i want to go to hawaii the wet, hot
impossible place in my heart that knows just what it desires.
i want money, i want candy.
i want sweet ukelele music and birds who drop from the sky.
i want to be the volcano who lavishes
her boiling rock soup love on everyone,
and i want to be the lover
of volcanos, who loves best what burns her as it flows.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

“i had a book of bible stories when i was a kid. there was a picture i’d look at twenty times every day: jacob wrestles with the angel. i don’t really remember the story, or why the wrestling – just the picture. jacob is young and very strong. the angel is…a beautiful man, with golden hair and wings, of course. i still dream about it. many nights. i’m…it’s me. in that struggle. fierce, and unfair. the angel is not human, and it holds nothing back, so how could anyone human win, what kind of fight is that? it’s not just. losing means your soul thrown down in the dust, your heart torn out from god’s. but you can’t lose.”

today i woke up at the sound of my alarm clock and was somehow compelled to adjust it an hour back. then i plopped back into the arms of shakespeare (: zzzzz. oh how i love to sleep. such a romantic thing, sleep. as if someone/something hovers around you while you shut your eyes and swivel between rapid eye movement and deep, dreamless sleep, magnificent in its translucency, sprinkling magic gold dust all around you and inside you so you heal, repair and wake up feeling absolutely marvellous like a baby seal. sigh.

today in ts tutorial we watched a little of stage beauty, albeit soundless. then i walked myself in the light drizzle to macdonald’s to get myself a cup of oj to make up for the lack of sunshine in my life. walked to rp, sat in front of a computer, in the dark, click click click. i feel like a smoked salmon salad but i don’t have cash. oh well. sometimes you just don’t got it.

Monday, February 26, 2007

alright so this is a song about anyone, it could be anyone.
you’re just doing your own thing and some one comes out of the blue,
they’re like,
“alright”
he’s saying,
“yeah can I take your digits?”
and you’re like, “no not in a million years, you’re nasty
please leave me alone.”

cut to the pub on a lads night out,
man at the bar cos it was his shout,
clocks this bird and she looks ok,
caught him looking and she walks his way,
“alright darlin, you gonna buy us a drink then?”
“err no, but I was thinking of buying one for your friend…”

she’s got no taste hand on his waist, tries to pull away but her lips’re on his face,
“if you insist i’ll have a white wine spritzer”
“sorry love, but you ain’t a pretty picture.”

can’t knock ‘em out, can’t walk away,
try desperately to think of the politest way to say,
just get outta my face, just leave me alone,
and no you can’t have my number,
“why?”
because i’ve lost my phone.

oh yeah, actually yeah i’m pregnant, having a baby in like 6 months so no, and yeah, yeah…

“i recognise this guy…”
that’s what she’s thinking,
as he comes over her heart starts sinking,
she’s like,
“oh here we go..”
it’s a routine check that she already knows, she’s thinking they’re all the same.

“yeah you alright baby? you look alright still, yeah what’s your name?”
she looks in her bag, takes out a fag, tries to get away from the guy on a blag, can’t find a light,
“use mine”
“you see the thing is i really don’t have the time.”

go away now, let me go,
are you stupid? or just a little slow?
go away now I’ve made myself clear,
nah it’s not gonna happen,
not in a a million years,

nah i’ve gotta go cos my house is on fire,
i’ve got herpes, err no i’ve got syphilis…

Thursday, February 22, 2007
so close your eyes, for that’s a lovely way to be.

piss motter. ha ha ha. i think i might be slightly dyslexic, always have been. i remember my mother chiding me for using “mirror writing” in all my penmenship or pets worksheets or whatever homework i had in primary school. as in, you could only read my writing if you held it up to a mirror and i didn’t mean to do it! honest. now i don’t do that anymore…but i do “piss motter”.

okay so, i’m back in hall. zzzz. inda sprung cleaned (what the hell is that) my room for me but i think i’m beginning to mess it up once again. OH and i’m trying my best to revive dylan from his state of droopiness but he doesn’t seem to want to wake up. i left him by the window for sunshine and i watered him before i left! but he’s still all saggy and everything. the leaves are still green as ever though.

today, auditioned rachel for yellow and this is all very exciting indeed. rehearsals start next week! i was just sitting outside eva’s room where she showed me the poster and banner for SIX and it’s looking very very fabulous indeed, i must say (: start spreading the news! keep your 30th of march 7.30pm free because there’s something brewin’ up in nus’ lt13 and it’s absolutely free of charge so bring all your friends and grannies along for a night of quirky entertainment. (the scripts make a truly odd combination.)

i’m feeling itchy and farty. must be the wind.

i’m feeling this sudden onslaught of cravings for all things savoury like banmian and meatballs and fishball noodles with chilli and hotdogs i think because i’ve been living on sweetmeats and cookies and sugary water for the past chinese new year week my tongue needs some serious saltifying. MSG to the rescueeeeee.

one more thing before i crash out of here and fall into the dark and murky depths of my psychology textbook: HAPPY BIRTH OF KIM DAY TO EVERYBODY! -PORH! PORH!- (like, the sound of horns you know.) today’s picture is kim and i to commemorate kim chi day. rest assured he doesn’t look like that on normal days, just….on bad hair days.

suspenders are called suspenders because they keep up the suspense of what lurks beneath your pants.

talk nonsense only, this one.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

pretty pretty pretty. ugly is the new beautiful. oh-biang is the new pretty. who say one? i say one.

dear XXX do you feel forty? do you feel mouldy? do you feel EMPTY? if you’ve answered yes to even one of the above (rhetorical) questions, you. need. a) a chocolate mountain/fountain, depending on whether you like ‘em hard or soft (hm), b) a bigfathug from a bigfatbear wearing fresh diapers and baby powder, c) some of my auntie lulu’s smashing pineapple tarts that come in tiny dollops and are as crusty and creamy and melt-in-your-mouth as they come, d) a bathtub filled to the brim with hothothotwater and rose petals and essence of pearl (if there’s such a thing) to submerge yourself into with an earthshaking aaaaaaaaaahhhhhh and just feel your “troubles melt like lemondrops”, e) a hugeass sandwich oozing with peanut butter and cranberry jam washed down with a cupful of yummy smarmy mushy wooshy banana milkshake that gives you the hiberdijibbees after each sip. and if after all that, you still feel forty, there’s always sex. uh. yeah. OR, you could always thank the lord that you don’t feel sixty.

it’s back to school tomorrow my friends, not really. school starts next week, but i think i shall go back to hall tomorrow. got work to do, people to meet, room to clean. flower to water. DYLAN!

let’s make this happen shall we? BOOTS AND SPOON! yay.

Monday, February 19, 2007
i know it’s the year of the pig. but i should really stop acting like one.

(did you read the Newpaper about people fighting for the prize money claiming their child to be the First Pig Baby? hilarious.)

yesterday was the First Day of Chinese New Year and so we all flocked to dua yi’s house to do goodness knows what. i couldn’t find anything new to wear, or anything to wear at all for that matter since all my normal clothes are in hall and all that’s left in my wardrobe at home are formal dresses and mouldy home clothes. so i wore a sari. (at least it was cranberry and gold, very auspicious right.) yeah but all the relatives started imitating indians when they saw me and calling me “lakshmi ah lakshmi! apuneh! money come money go!” the funny part was, my cousin’s indian boyfriend, who is already very shy and awkward around my hilariously ‘racist’ relatives, was sitting somewhere nearby watching tv as they all started clowning around and after they realised he was there they all went like “TZOK! HAYOH! (snigger snigger)” very hot though, wearing a sari. not to mention i went gallavanting around xijie’s half-built house, climbing under steelbars and traipsing along muddy, crumbly soil stairs to get to her room to-be where we stood trying to decide what colours her walls and ceiling should be. PANAS! of all places, why should the belly be revealed? where got people’s belly sweat one i ask you? silly sari.

today we went to ji yi’s house, same ol’ same ol’. oh forgot to say, yesterday xjae and i went to town to watch just follow law. its so nice watching jack neo’s films i don’t know why but it is. unpretentious humour, maybe. i think that’s what you get for getting inspiration from what you really know. i want to watch seducing mr. perfect because i’m sensing a very sensational, intriguing pairing of the two leads.

YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (: i should be happy, but i shouldn’t, but i am, but i .

Saturday, February 17, 2007
happy chinese new year (’s eve)! just got back from reunion dinner. i think the people upstairs are bonking. can hear. either that or someone really heavy is skipping rope. okay the sound’s stopped. omg, started again. looks like someone’s really desperate for a pig-year baby.

my mother is such a fattist. i’m surprised i haven’t ended up severely anorexic.

OH STOP IT ALREADY. or at least get a thicker mattress. it’s giving me a headache.

oh my goodness dp is o o o o o’ver. can you believe it? the (sometimes) torturous rehearsal sessions, especially those that lasted well into the wee hours with the unfortunate unearthly-hour lesson the next day, the suppers with silly people, the pigging out on vitamin c tablets, hello panda and strange coconut chocolates which totally did nothing to benefit my anorexic character-development, the long long piecings and the nonsensical “warm ups” we did to pseudo-psych ourselves up for what were more often that not shitty runs that made us all feel like absolute crap afterwards, all that….is over. or (: ?

well honestly, the experience right before the performance was nothing short of exhilerating, but it was a slow, very very slow, build up. even the day before i was feeling (navy) blue. heck, few hours before i was sleeping below the stage, sniffling like a mad cow that’s allergic to grass and milk. perhaps, adrenaline is the best medicine. (oh the adrenaline of being adrinalim!) hyuk, hyuk. yeah but the feeling you get from standing behind the curtain, listening to the excited murmuring of the so-far imaginary audience, just waiting, waiting for the curtains to part and to say the first line of the entire play, is absolutely priceless. GONADS. hehe. and oh did i mention it went well? i don’t dare imagine what it’d be like if it didn’t but sometimes i think even if it did go badly, no one would really dare say it out loud. okay but, it went well (: we were all grinning like crazed pigs in the wings, patting each other’s back macham xiaodingdongs. i’m just glad everyone enjoyed the show! nevermind that some people didn’t get some stuff, like i said, the dances were so good i’d pay to watch them on their own.

okay enough about the performance. thank you for the flowers friends! (: mary and lills, i’m still trying to find a spot to place the gerberras (?) in the pot because i realise they need (real) sunshine and oh water too, which i don’t even get enough of myself in the first place. if i put it outside people will steal it or the cat will get at it or something. i think i shall give him a name. (it’s a he) he shall be called…dylan. dylan the pink flower

i’m so tired. like very, very, verrrry tired. as much as i really miss all my friends and family so so so much, sorry if it doesn’t seem like it, (believe it or not i actually miss some of the dp cast ALREADY) there’s just so many things i need to do right now. but i’m like, sapped. seriously. i feel like i could sleep for 10 days straight in my filthy, disgusting, messy pig sty. i think mother aggie will flip tomorrow when she sees my room. haha. and SCHOOL omg. i feel like i haven’t been to school in years. bad, very bad. AND i need to start planning rehearsals for SIX. although that’s definitely something to look forward too (: yayness. but desiree, you need to study hor. (groans)

so much more to say, so little energy left to say it with. so for now it’s off to bed. thank you everyone who came to watch us tonight! hope you had a blast and feel like it was worth your time and money (: and hope you were sensible enough to not have bought the ten-dollar programme booklet. seriously, can you say daylight robbery? even the cast has to buy it! (i picked a copy up from the floor and just realised it belonged to A/Prof Leung Ka Hin whoever that is because there’s an envelope addressed to him kiaped in the booklet.) okay blablabla, time to sleep.

sweet dreams (:

Wednesday, February 14, 2007
happy valentine’s day! i wonder today, if my parents are thinking of each other.

good night.

Monday, February 12, 2007

psychology research projects are so spooky sometimes. today i had to enter a small room with a strange man and sit down in front of a computer, put on a set of headphones, and start counting down in sevens from 391 while reading statements that flash on the computer screen like “undergraduates can get married” or “there is only one true religion” etc, and when i hear a beep, i must hit the space bar as fast as i can. i couldn’t even get the first part of the damn task right. hahaha. how the hell do you count down in sevens?! okay then the second project, i had to enter a small room (a little bigger than the first) this time with a strange woman. and the first part of it was a five-page survey in which they asked bizarre questions like “do you sometimes feel as if people are staring at, talking about and following you?” or “do you often mistake shadows and objects for people?” or “have people ever told you you were weird or odd?” and the second part was in front of a computer again, this time with a two-way mirror behind me. it was basically the right-handed left-handed thing that we did during tutorial. the department was so strange and dingy, smelt abit like stale fishballs.

it’s raining and i’m craving for inda’s chicken curry

“everytime we breathe in and out, we’re a little bit different than before.”

today’s pictures! our birthday picnic at the reservoir with bazhang and the nice red candle. where the water washed our present away.

(i bought hershey’s chocolate-coated marshmallows with grape filling. who wants to be my friend ?) hehehe.

i took a bus and a train to town by myself today, forgot to bring my book along and so had no choice but to stare at the people around me. alot of cheekopeks around. alot of teenagers with raging hormones. so yeah i went to browhaus first, then i felt like some icecream so i popped by ben & jerries for a strawberry cheesecake cone. walked around raffles city eating ice cream, and realised how different it’s become. very intriguing shops it has now! especially this shop called “anthropology” have to go back soon. (read: after dp.) which reminds me, i want to go to little india to get a golden nose stud. okay and then, i took a train to the cathay to catch half nelson. i reached the ticketing booth two minutes before the movie began, went in, sat down between a couple who obviously had different intentions in coming to the movies (see above: raging hormones) and this bunch of office groupies who were quite sadly trying to hold on to their sunday before the monday blues got to them. the movie was in the picture house which means you’re not supposed to eat or drink during the movie but they were eating like nobody’s business potato salad chicken rice etc etc. so anyways, ryan gosling (: i like. the movie gave me an insatiable craving for peanut butter sandwiches and juicy lollipops. okay so after the movie i walked around a bit, the weather was nicely crisp like cold vegetables. took the train back and WOAH no more buses at the interchange and everywhere like, everywhere. then how? blew bucks on a damn cab. the cabdriver was kinda scary. okay make that bloody freaky. he talked to me right, about his daughter choosing between jc and poly blablabla…then when he stopped the cab, he turned around (and the taxi light illuminated his face, partially) and i saw his face, eerily cross-eyed, wry smile, grinning at me while asking questions as if i wasn’t supposed to get out of the cab. well i did anyways, duh, and walked as fast as i could through the FOREST to the terminal. no idea why he dropped me outside a bloody forest.

went to eat supper, bought me a jar of chocolate ribbon peanut butter and sunshine white bread mmmm and my usual mee goreng extra extra exxxxxtra lime and chilli while i introduced my dear friends to my shootshagmarry game. wah cannot, never play this game expecting to turn in early.

so actually all i wanted to say was, i love peanut butter sandwiches and good ol’ spaghetti & meatballs and ryan gosling.

do you know? today addy brought me a bag of old photos that nai nai left us and, and yeah. they’re priceless is all (:

(yeekiat is asleep on my floor beside me, on his economics textbook, wearing my pink hairband.)

k g’night.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

i love lazy sundays. especially ones in which i wake up ohsoslowly at about one in the afternoon with the sun streaking in through my purple curtains, with no cricks in my neck whatsoever. shiokadoodles

yesterday was a great great day considering it was saturday (read: piecing) because they let actors off early, after one run, when the sun was still in the sky (!!!) then we went to subway to grab some dinner then i went for the last bit of the radiopulze agm then off! we went to the nice, romantic fort canning park where we walked around looking at trees, okay no we were there to support the band, and along the way got given free roses by strangers on the street, got our hands dipped in wax, got accosted my a mob of rowdy indian boys (well, almost) and ultimately twas a sweet night on the grass under the stars (and satellites, as eva would add) and ohhhh peroxide won! (: how saht. then we went a-supperin’ and who else did i meet but…my friendly folks from starbucks! ah well.

so, back to this lazy sunday (: i’m listening to “more” by harry connick jr, and i feel exactly like a little caramel biscuit being dipped into warm milk tea. wobble, wobble, wooooo.

(i got drunk that night at butter factory.)

(i wonder why mother aggie hasn’t called me all weekend!)

(“things happen when you least expect them.”)

Thursday, February 08, 2007
i just spent a very wonderful afternoon with my mother aggie and now i’m going to record it before i forget, which is what will inevitably happen if i decide instead to do my french homework which is due in about half an hour’s time. sometimes, french homework can wait. so aggie came over in the morning and we went to the US embassy at tanglin for my visa interview. we drove around madly searching for the place, past the russian embassy (abit scary), the japanese embassy (very very cool), the saudi arabian embassy (very run down) and a couple more i think china was one of them. ebassies are so cool, they give me a very SAT feeling, you know?! like whoa. national pride man. i’d rather have a marvelous magical singaporean embassy than some shitty ndp. like, put a fountain. the us embassy was nice, very american. got sprinkler some more. okay anyways, they made us wait for almost 2 hours under a tent outside the embassy. how atas. then we went in and underwent some lousy security check and had to wait some more inside. the interview took like five minutes. this boy from china had to answer so many stupid questions i think because he couldn’t speak english properly poor thing, “i go america because i think is good and fun. yah. i go new york because i think is biggest city in america so is very exciting.” sigh.

so poor aggie waited for me in the car. then after that i treated us to lunch at the hong kong cafe at cine, then we drove to the super duper old shop beside the dentist in toa payoh near nai nai’s old house, near the toa payoh church we used to go to, near the library and the macdonalds where gillian and i used to spend saturdays borrowing roald dahl books and picking the pickles out of our cheeseburger happy meals. i love love love that shop. it’s like a funny antique shop, without the whole this stuff’s expensive i’m great you’re not aura. bought my old white canvas shoes for adrina ($4!) and two old watches with worn-out brown leather straps and small golden faces ($5 each!) the old man was sitting behind the counter with a million small golden things spread out in front of him, mending time.

mending time (:

god is strange because just a while ago she was so soft and touchable, wrinkles and all. wrinkles are so nice (: les rides, elles arrivent avec l’âge. like cross-word puzzles. like farting while eating chocolate chip cookies so your fart smells like fudge muaaaheeehaaa. like sitting under the fan after a shower with your hair blowing around your face. like you know, strange.

radio pulze. blablabla. dance production. life of pi. french test. mee goreng extra chilli extra lime. mango juice. gurkha guards. tennis. valentines’ day.

“i’m warning you, i think i might have to like you very much indeed.”

Monday, February 05, 2007
to do:

* watch half nelson
* US embassy interview
* LA hostel reservation
* browhaus
* little india

eh…who wants to watch half nelson with me!?!?! maybe i’ll watch it alone

Wednesday, January 31, 2007
dills is ill. puke puke puke. there’s a fire in my throat, a drought in my eyes, a flood in my nose and an earthquake in my head. i’m a walking disaster! yahoo. i wish i could be ill enough to be hospitalised, so i can lie in bed all day and night waiting for the nurses to bring me food and sweets and chocolate and flowers and toys and comics and simpsons. and maybe the doctor will be quite handsome. and i will not want to get well.

i just signed up for some stupid research program thing for psychology, 2 actually. the first one is called “perception of school subjects” and the second is “relationships and catholicism”. hmm.

okay i better go and study now. (thanks for the lemsip shanny!)

and thanks to everyone for spotting me in times when my wallet is as baren as a desert. i will pay you back soon, like tomorrow, when i get my allowance.

speaking of desert, i could really do with some dessert now. like, icecream. ice kachang. HECK ICE ALSO CAN. “je veux t´lephon´ neuf-neuf-çinq! Parce qu’il y a un feu (fire?! fear!??) dans ma (insert french word for throat).”

MERDE.

Monday, January 29, 2007
if i could take you away, pretend i was queen, what would you say? would you think i’m unreal? ’cause everybody’s got their way i should feel. everybody’s talking how i can’t be your love, but i want to be your love, for real. want to be your everything. everything’s falling, and i am included in that oh how i try to be just okay. yeah but all i ever really wanted was a little piece of you. everything will be alright if you just stay the night. please, sir, don’t you walk away.

*

hello! today was quite a nice day because we booked our flights to and from US of A! yahoo psychology tutorial was so much fun. and i made a new friend (although i forgot his name) we were partners in the experiments and then after buying a smoked salmon sandwich i went into the lecture theatre for english lecture and i saw him! so i sat next to him and kept him awake! your welcome! i tell you, the smoked salmon sandwich is very very nice! six dollars, though.

at dinner sopphia told lills and t’sa and i how her boyfriend asked her, oh man. MALAYSIAN TWENTY CENT COIN LEH, don’t play play (: and oh yah the screen crashed HAHA so funny who ask them to blast the horrendous music so damn loud. EH COME ON, we’re not deaf.

for once i feel as though i want to study but have no time. i want to quit lah, as usual. i’m such a quitter. people are jack of all trades, master of none. i’m a jack of no trades (full stop). xiao shi liao liao da wei bi jia wo, WHAT TO DO?!

i can’t wait to grow old.

but still, they always make you wait.

Sunday, January 28, 2007
babel was definitely worth being dragged out of my nice warm room the second i reached back from the long long day that was today. i’m telling you. watch it! (i’m too tired and hungry now, more the former, to recount the movie-going experience.)

but today was so long. piecing. enough said. then dinner with family. then went to meet my sister’s wedding planner at a wedding she was planning. so sweet, made me want to get married just so i can get my own jazz band and midsummer’s night dream tree. ohwell, that’s another story for another day. for now, i’m off to hit the sack. tell you another time bye bye.

Friday, January 26, 2007
“the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.”

hello! je suis contente, aujourd’hui. had french class in the morning (what a nice, drizzly morning) where we watched french advertisements and learnt when to use ‘ou’ and when to use ‘que’ and had to practise speaking using comparatifs. this boy from china said “En Chine, il y a le plus de films chinois.” (In china, there are the most chinese movies.) so funny this boy.

was sitting behind victor during psychology lecture, and i think kustav (?) did i spell that right lills? ohwell. i like the lecturer we had today, il est tres beau, comme Clarke Kent? Tu sais? (:

okay i’ve gotta scoot off for english tutorial now. be back in a jiffy! a bientot

Thursday, January 25, 2007
power 98 fm has such weird jungley music! like disco gone wrong, with bongos. “na na na na…bong bong bong.”

Lills!

is my kachng, has nice poofy black hair and big magnificent eyes. has a stinky room but does my laundry for me so, is gooooooood. ehehe. obssessed with taking and printing photos, allergic to 8am lessons (who isn’t?), allergic to running too much (symptom being headache like ME) and allergic to chemicals which is funny because she’s a chemistry major HEEHAW. buys me oreos like mad i also don’t know why, likes to say MESSY and HOW ZAI and alot more nonsense i cannot remember. I LOVE STAYING NEXT DOOR TO THIS PEANUT (although she doesn’t brush her teeth as much as she SHOULD). she draw on our wall until ah, wah, this is the cannot. but i like. and we go togetherrrr like shubabsheebab doodooodooodoodooodoooooo.

LOVE LOVE LOOOOOORRRVE.

got to go for francais! ttb!

Wednesday, January 24, 2007
breakfast: koko crunch
lunch: subway club wrap with bbq and mustard dressing
dinner: sardines, broccoli, beansprouts, one fishball and rice.

while listing out one’s daily food intake may seem rather symptomatic of anorexia, let me just say this in my defence, that what i ate today would feed a whole country of anorexic people for a week. okay not really. i have eaten more, much much more. like REALLY ALOT like can feed 99 cows kind. but then again, i have eaten less. like a carton of milk and a cookie the entire day.

ohwell that’s not really important. people tend to be too preoccupied with what goes into their mouths and not what comes out. (okay now i sound bulimic.) i mean, words okay.

just a couple of shout outs: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASHOK AND TERESA! fyi, the both of your ages added together would make -gasp- 44! well, happy birthday, or at least try to be.

gong xi fa cai everyone, i’m craving for bah kwa.

oh! oh! ANNOUNCEMENT! AUDITIONS for SIX (the very first interhall dramafeste! with 6 mini-plays) TONIGHT, 24th january, 9pm in Eusoff Hall’s Blue Oyster. be there or lose your hair.

bye.

Monday, January 22, 2007
“more than ever, therefore, there is a need for us to understand what drama can and cannot express…”

my God, when will it ever end.

so. what’s new!? adeline choo li min has come to stay! next door! woo hoooo! we have vandalised the brick wall between our doors, with chalk, and p.s. the ‘beansprout’ that has sprouted up on your side of the wall is courtesy of ahma, not me. i don’t do beansprouts. it’s so fun to have someone to do laundry with (or rather, not know how to do laundry with) and brush teeth with and cry with and vandalise public property with and say that we want to cook but never really get down to doing it with, in short, someone to laugh at my jokes when no one else will

rehearsals and dance practice and auditions to attend all week long, save me save me. readings are piling up. need to settle newyork plane tickets and accomodation. need to pay hall fees. need to remember people. need to s l o w down and breaaathhhh. my mother is growing older day by day, and there’s nothing i can do about it. noooooooooo.

le present, c’est tout qu’est important. non?

(hairbands remind me of my childhood.)

i remember now playing dress up with gillian, the two of us secretly raiding my mother aggie’s walk in wardrobe because i found out her secret stash of gorgeous silk scarves when she was at work. we’d be so excited and go gaga over the obiang designs and wear it everywhere, on our heads, over our boobs, around our waist, across our faces, tie it as a arm sling, then we walked out of the house, giddy with madness looking like two mighty idiots, and i remember bumping into my father just coming into the house and he looked at us like we were nuts (which we were) and we paraded on the street outside my house, we were mad. then at some point we realised the horror of what we were doing and ran back in again.

i remember playing in peixuan’s house. we played doctor and planted ’sick animals and babies’ all around her room and ran around with masa masa stuff pretending to save them from various illnesses, and her dark closet was the operating theatre. we were very influenced by chinese drama serials then so we loved especially to re-enact the scene where we would emerge from the ‘operation theatre’ with a sullen look on our faces and break the news to the ‘family’ of the ‘casualty’. we would sit on the floor and play polly pocket all day long. or go the the roof top thing and fry under the sun. there was a huge tree outside her house the one with alot of red love seeds under it. oh i remember her neighbour was called minlin. i remember also…that once when i stayed over at peixuan’s house, i crept downstairs to get something at night, and i saw her parents sitting on the sofa drinking beer watching tv with their arms around each other and i remember thinking to myself ‘how strange’. as if i didn’t know parents were supposed to do that.

one should not try to open ones eyes when one smiles.

S: My most vivid memories of my Nai Nai were from my early childhood as I used to spend every waking moment of my time with her since she was the one who brought me up. With my parents busy at work, she was the most important person in my life. She was my everything then. I used to think that I could never live my life without my Nai Nai.

When I think of Nai Nai, i somehow remember her smell quite vividly. She had this very powdery, almost baby-like scent sometimes with a hint of hong you that followed her so you’d know where she’d been. To me, that was a very comforting sensation because i’d know she’d be nearby pottering around in her soft flowery clothes or sitting somewhere reading her bible with her magnifying glass.

D: When we grew up and she was no longer staying with us, whenever we visited her, it just hit the spot to hear her voice even before she opened the door. She’d sit us down and start telling us stories, although often they were stories we’ve heard before, but i’d be more preoccupied with touching her hair and playing with the skin on her forearms to notice. I liked it best when she’d freshly cut her hair, by herself, no less, because it’d always be a little bit crooked at the back. It’s silly little things, but i guess it’s the littlest memories like these that’d stick with me for years down the road.

S: Nai Nai was an extremely intelligent and determined lady. She never had a single day of education, yet she taught herself to read and write in Mandarin. She was also fluent in practically every dialect and even English. In fact, she was the one who taught me Mandarin. In exchange, I taught her English. She never failed to constantly upgrade herself to keep her mind active.

My Nai Nai was also a woman with great tenacity. When I was young, I always felt extremely protective of her, because I knew of all the hardship she went through to single handedly bring up all her children by being a maid, washer woman and seamstress all at the same time.

She was also a mother who loved her children a lot and was always proud of them. I remembered how she would constantly repeat the story about how smart her children were and how good they were at school. She always proudly declared to me that when it was time to announce the results in school, and the top 10 students of the cohort had to go up onstage, they would always be calling a CHOO.

Despite all her sacrifices and efforts, Nai Nai was also a very misunderstood woman. She might seem very hard and sometimes unfeeling on the outside, but that to me is really the result of the years of hardship she had to endure. As a result,, she developed the hard exterior to protect herself from any emotional heartache. However, she is actually a very kind hearted and compassionate person on the inside.

D: My memories of nainai began even before i knew they did. Just that day, I looked at Clarence and suddenly remembered when nainai used to bathe us together in a tub in Mackerrow Road. She’d scrub us both silly with a gigantic loofah thingy and while my brother seemed to enjoy it very much, getting scrubbed, it was far from pleasant for me, getting my skin scrubbed till it was ruby red. I must say, Nainai was a very strong lady, in all senses of the word. I remember nainai saying “bu tong lah! ni kan clalen mei you ku!” And I called my brother a monster for having such thick skin, and that made nainai laugh very loudly.

On a less painful note, I remember riding around the car porch on a little skate cart thing with my brother scooting around in his motorcar that my dad bought for him, and we’d take turns driving past nainai who sat on a stool peeling grapes and feeding us as we passed by.

S: Nai Nai used to tell me how she disciplined all her children save my youngest uncle with an iron rod. Beatings were common and she told me she once chased my dad up the street with a stick. However, she picked up a book about how to bring up children without the cane before she had my youngest uncle, and she told me she cried so badly after reading it, as she knew there was no turning back for the rest of her children. She told me her biggest regret was not picking up that book earlier.

D: I remember Nai Nai having many locks on her door for reasons too profound for anyone to explore, but one thing was for sure, no matter how powerful or numerous the locks, the door of her room was always open for us, her grandchildren. Always.

S: Nai Nai has always dedicated her time and life to God and prayer and I’m glad that after 85 long years, she is able to finally rest in the arms of God in heaven.

I was told that it is the greatest blessing to be able to pass away in your sleep, and that only a good person can be granted that. My grandmother was a good person. To me, she was a truly beautiful person with an amazing heart. Although I will miss her tremendously, I’m happy that she is now in a better place with God in heaven.

We’d like to end off with a song that Nai Nai used to love to sing when we were young. We hope Nai Nai will always be cherished in everyone’s hearts as our dearest mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.

Shi shang zhi you ma ma hao,
You ma di hai zi xiang ge bao,
Tou jin ma ma di huai bao,
Xin fu xiang bu liao.

HOW’S THE AIR UP THERE LITTLE LADY?!

Sunday, January 14, 2007
i need your grace to remind me to find my own…
just know that these things will never change for us at all.

last year, my birthday fell on “hold hands day” and i didn’t hold hands.

IM BURSTING IM BURSTING. BOM.

anyway, i’m back in hall. it’s time to put my geminisity to the test.

Saturday, January 13, 2007
there’s so much that i’d wanted to write about my nai nai ever since i learnt of her passing. but for now, all i have to say is that my ever dearest nai nai has gone to heaven (: i shall have to go to sleep soon because i’ll be waking up early tomorrow for the funeral mass where sister and i will be reading the eulogy we’ve written for nai nai. after which her body will be cremated, which is a very sad thing because never again will i touch such soft, snowy white hair and pinch such funny skin that doesn’t sink or bounce back and instead remains peaked for an amazingly long time. never again will i hear her go “oyyyyyy….wa e sim gua!” when i call nai naiiiiiiiii. but then again, never again will she feel any pain in her legs and her heart. never again will she have to worry about anything or long to see any of her grandchildren because i assume ghosts are omnipresent, if they uh, choose to be? yes i think so. its like you’re set free of your shell of a body and you can roam around wherever you want and see whoever you want without them seeing you hee hee. i think she’d like that very much. except i can’t hug her anymore.

maybe i’ll write the eulogy here sometime. it got quite censored so what i’ll be reading tomorrow will be quite different from what i’d initially penned but i will not hesitate to write here what i’d wanted to say in its full glory so nai nai will be remembered, for real. (it’s true, she does smell a bit like mothballs.) obviously they cut that part out. ohwell. she is what she is, my NAI NAI. hee haw.

later.

p.s. i have no more grandmas and grandpas. what a sick idea.

Monday, January 08, 2007
yawn. it is ten thirty in the morning. i have hauled myself ashore island Awake so that i can ensure that i don’t need to do this for the rest of the semester by being kiasu abit balloting for tutorial slots. alors! the stupid system is down, again, and will only be up by twelve. kill me now. now i’m awake and i can’t go back to sleep again. not to mention, i couldn’t get to sleep last night either. went to bed at 3.30am halfway watching that show where people try to lose weight (can’t remember what it’s called) and i think i tossed and turned till the sun came up. so strange. maybe because i changed the position of my bed, again. or maybe it was just…day before first day of school syndrome. how cute.

“to sleep. i’m tired and i want to sleep.”

ARGH. is today the ninth?!?!?! i have to write a script by tomorrow!! in one day. koo koo bird logic, this world is mad. MAD I TELL YE. go to sleep, everybody. the world has ended for a day (: (: (:

Saturday, January 06, 2007
im outside my house by the pool, and i’ve just completed my script for yellow. yeah that’s what i think i’m calling it, yellow, because….uh…oh because mangoes are yellow when they’re ripe, and because the piece is about 6 old people who are yellowing…i.e. aging? hum. something along those lines. ’tis quite a nice and serene place to do work on the ol’ laptop here by the pool with the nice breeze blowing and the occasional couple strolling past with they’re baby or puppy but the lighting’s pretty bad cus its 9.30 right now and i’m sure in need of some good ol’ fashioned pumpkin soup to keep my eyes nice and shiny. so here i am, just waiting for the battery to run out before i scoot indoors and squeeze my brain dry with mtv. can you say yuckoo? yuckoo!

sometimes i tell myself (in my head) because speaking out loud would be plain moronic, although sometimes i do speak out loud, that i should stop worrying about things that don’t matter like silly things that people think up to do to make themselves feel important like sports and performances. i’d probably sound so moronic in a sour-grapes kinda way to people who dedicate their entire lives to things like dance and sports but i guess to each his own, no? and if somebody wants to just rot his/her life away by eating nothing but waffles his/her entire life with extra syrup every time, who’s to say no don’t you’ll get diabetes! people get diabetes even if they’ve never had a single waffle in their lives. you know that don’t you? so why not, i say. go ahead and eat all the waffles you want. or vegetables. whichever you fancy more.

that said, sometimes i wonder why i’m in the university. (how come i even know how to spell that moronic word) uni verse ity. how come i seem to have had semi long hair (shoulder-length? is what they call it nowadays?) all my life. how come primary school was the best time of my life and how come i haven’t invented anything cool.

oh my god, i just got inspiration from the heavens to start a cookie delivery service. imagine, hot, chewy fudge cookies that are crispy on the outside and smooshy and gooey when you bite into it. comes in milk, dark, and white chocolate…served with milk. just a phone call away. genius. GENIUS I TELL YE.

Friday, January 05, 2007
the following student’s qualify for french 3, i read, and then i saw my name! horrors. well, turns out dear shantilly forgot to tell me that french 1 consists of only the first six chapters of the textbook she lent me, and the last six was the french 2 syllabus. i don’t know if this is going to have dreadful effects on my results next semester, pray tell.

we interrupt this exciting rant to bring you the latest footage of two ants frolicking on my table. -smooshes with tissue and grinds to black ant pulp- and now we return to what i was saying.

uhm. yes, school starts on monday. school. school is like a how kitsch.

okay i’m feeling after lunch drowsiness right now. i wish someone would ask me out for a movie, but i would say thanks but no thanks i’m feeling after lunch drowsiness right now. my laundry is spinning in the dryer. my right arm is bruised from ball-bashing (haha). my room is ant-infested. …time to sleep, ‘night.

Thursday, January 04, 2007
there’s nothing mellow about melodramatics so…..? alors, just a thought. i woke up early (9.30am) this morning to go for the french placement test. met ben at the bus stop. met valerie at the test. the test was alright, i suppose, the grammar part. but! i totally screwed up by mixing up my passe compose and futur tenses i am so dead. i was writing all along about the what i will do during my last december holidays. hopefully they’ll score me for originality. dis donc! well i shall take comfort in the fact that being allocated french 1 wouldnt be all that tragic, albeit a little boring. at least i’d have more free time and less stress. then then then we went to delta stadium to support the hockey matches where we got second yoohoo then here we are back again. watching kids central (my fairly odd parents) then will go for volleyball friendly later.

dinner! oh friends from malaysia are back! ellen is on! mamamia. okay i’m getting un peu distracted by ellen’s sexy eyes i’m going to, uh, go.

right on, ben. -grins-

Wednesday, January 03, 2007
hello. i’m back in hall. it is two thousand and……..seven. and tomorrow, the third of january two thousand and seven, the small people who were born in the year two thousand will be embarking on what we like the call The First Day of School. also know as the beginning of what’ll eventually make ‘em or break ‘em. my advice to them is this: enjoy canteen food while you can. especially if you’re in st nicks…eat orange bowl everyday. and eat $1.50! and eat rou yuan cu mi fen with extra extra ma you! and don’t underestimate the effects of pulling some strings…especially with uncle mobeen the drinks stall uncle. also, always, always chop the hopscotch with your waterbottle if you don’t want to be left all alone in the reading corner with the reading aunties. lastly, beware of the art teacher. if you’re mindful about all that, you’ll be fine.

i might be moving to this place called holland hill, which is a condominium near holland village and apparently about ten minutes from nus, which means, that i don’t have to stay in hall next year, if we move. sister would be staying couple of floors above us with her eventual husband. i kinda like the whole idea of moving into a place we can at last decorate ourselves and make it a real home this time. and i like that fact that it’s so near holland village and bukit timah and nus and town, too. but i might miss hall life (: but then again, i’d be so close by and i could always come back and visit. what is, is, i guess. we’ll see.

just watched the break-up with xiaoxuan in my room after volleyball training and going to fong seng to pick up some iced teas with milk (haha) and bathing, of course. i’m hungry and boy what i’d give now for gigantic fluffy piping hot cheese prata. oh but i’m so laee-zee. and i’m meeting xjae and sarah tomorrow at bugis which means i have to get up early. and i have to finish studying for the french placement test (gasp!) tomorrow! and finish typing my 2 scripts by the tenth! and memorise my dp lines! and bid for reproductive health! and bring my macs to the it coop to get stuff transferred! but i gotta say…a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. praataaa….(:

Friday, December 29, 2006

i miss nai nai i shall go visit her soon.

went to island creamery today! (: and yes sherman, i tried the nutella flavoured ice cream and yes it was goooood. was tempted to buy a tub back to hall but fabian’s car was so hot it would’ve melted on the way back, fo’sho. oh well.

“today we’re discovering why some people say they’re breasts are a burden.” (tyra banks)

oh, moobs.

ladies and gentlemen, we have a new mac it’s white and yummy and clean and n e w. i’m almost afraid to touch it. we did it! we got a new mac! although, as expected, we sat there debating about whether or not to take the loan blablabla and mother throwing a mini trantrum about me not taking care of my things and how this is the second mac she has had to buy me. to my defence the first one was bought four years ago and i really didn’t want anyone to sit on it, honest. well i was too tight-arsed to argue in the shop and i knew she was in one of those just let me rant at you don’t interrupt me or i’ll walk out of the shop moods. so. in the end she whips out her cheque book and says ayah so troublesome just get it now. yes i feel bad about it, because we’re kinda stripped for cash right now. but i really don’t see the difference between prolonging the pain of paying off a loan. i will pay her back, i will. i wanted to pay for it with the money in my untouched account (because i forgot my pin number, not because i’ve miraculously acquired immense will power.) but she insisted that i needed that dough for my trip to new york next year, which is true. desiree, start saving.

charmaine brought a box of krispy kreme doughnuts to rehearsal today. i still think dunkin’ donuts are better, but i can’t really tell since the krispy kremes survived a flight back from hong kong. bit frozen. but still! man, i need another one of those oooooohhhoooomummy look at that thing ooze fudge and jam and caramel moments. shit, i’m hungry.

went to see the doctor today. medicine. had training. it’s still raining. very sleepy. hungry. goodnight.

Thursday, December 28, 2006
oh how i adore log cakes. but not just any old log cake, mind you. only the good ones. i am a log cake lord, you fool me not with your disgusting cream-filled airy fairy bubbles “log cakes”. log cakes aren’t simply cakes that look like chopped trees. they are intense, trufflish, melt-in-your-mouth sensations that makes christmas sinful enough to be x’mas.

okay enough about log cakes. (i happen to be eating a slice now.)

so yes, dear mr. mac is still very much broken. in spirit and in body. twice twice i’ve laboured down to the IT Coop and it has failed me, twice. meaning, it was closed. tomorrow i will try again and be there bright and early in the afternoon. (mornings were never in the question.) because i am currently surviving (just barely) like a scavenger. sneaking internet time on my sister’s laptop (she’s away in KL attending adrian’s cousin’s wedding or something), my brother’s fuzzy old computer, and ahma’s trusty dusty IBM. so tomorrow, my friends. we can only hope!

oh yes, results. well i got a three point eight cap score which i suppose isn’t too bad. considering. got an a in japanese hooray and a b plus in philosophy which came as a big shock because i was reall expecting a c tops for that. and plain old b’s or the rest. i guess if i was a tad more hardworking, for example if i did that assignment for sociology which i was to lazy to do, and if i bothered to fulfil my forum participation for japanese studies which comprised ten bloody percent of the score, i might have scraped a four point o cap but if if if counts for zit. as they say, there’s always next time. konica!

(mmm, log cakes rock.)

just got back from rehearsals. pre-tty cool. tomorrow’s the real “emo” tional part i wonder if i’ve forgotten how to cry. in front of people, that is. speaking of emo. mother brought shane and clarence to get their hair cut today and also to buy their school books and uniforms and stuff for next year (like diagon alley!) clarence looks real nice in his new haircut i must say! and he’s liking it too. mother got quite mad at shane though because he refused to let the hairdresser do much to his (very very) long hair and said he wants to keep his “emo” look. with the side swept (greasy) fringe and all. oh bother. we’ll just have to pray it’s a phase won’t we?

currently bidding for:

psychology, english language, theatre studies, reproductive health (what one must know) and also, french 2.

toodles!

Saturday, December 23, 2006
i worry for my shoulders. sometimes when i wonder why my shoulders are aching so badly, i’d notice that i was shrugging them so tight that its almost eerie how i never noticed before. i need an omnipresent shoulder relaxer, stat.

i have the common cold.

today was Christmas at Granny’s and i must say i was having a ball of a time just preparing for it. believe it or not, i’d say the part that was most fun of the whole thing was thinking of granny/grampa names for everyone. I was Gretchen Choo, 96, prays hourly. xjae was Beatrice Ng, 73, phobia of velcro sounds. bingo was less fun than expected, leaving me to wonder how real old people must feel to have to resort to calling weekly doses of crossing out digits entertainment. playing the pyramid game almost killed me, though. (AH! Love Actually trailer on now. hang on.) Now my friends, that, is what i call an effective trailer. anyhoo, food was great, surprisingly. there was roast chicken, all sorts of kuehs and pastries, log cake with rum, shepherd’s pie, chicken curry with bread, cheese brownies, fruit salad, scones with jam and whipped cream, chocolates and candy, and i think some more. well that’s one of the setbacks of playing hostess i guess, you don’t get to eat much. (i’m actually craving for a cuppa satisfyingly milky hot tea or something but its quite sad, really. there seems to be no one around to go with.)

witnessed the extraction of a victim of a very, very, very bad car crash from his totally wrecked car tonight. i don’t know what to say, really.

“The whole idea of acting is extremely puzzling. It’s hard enough being real in reality, to friends, family, strangers etc, let alone being real when you’re pretending to be someone else! Help heaven!”

Thursday, December 21, 2006
to add to top 10 most hated list: library fines.

“don’t blame me. i could never hurt you as much as you hurt yourself.”

Wednesday, December 20, 2006
seen and heard in singapore:

(a little girl points to a display of baby jesus along the street.)
girl: mummy who is that?
mother: that one ah, god lor.
girl: how they know he is god?
mother: ayah, they say one lor.

dear God,

what is your name?
why are you trying to drown us?
do i have cancer?

just some burning questions, thanks for your time (:

welcome back xjae, from hongkong where “shopping sucks”. heard that? nobigdeal. hongkong’s no kingkong just another moneysucker allyearlong. im feeling rather busy, that bitter sweet b word that sometimes causes stomach ulcers. and i think christmas should not have any of the b words, it should simply be full of love actuallys and turkeys and honeybakedhams and starlitskies. no rain, either.

dear Jesus,

wouldn’t you like a rain-free birthday? take it as a birthday gift to yourself. you deserve it.

today was a sweet and sour day. like pork, except not so tangible.

no more cryptic speeches madam. enough, enough now.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006
maybe hunger isn’t such a bad thing after all. it’s a rather humbling experience, to be hungry, and this world could sure do with a whole lot more humility.

oh, before i go on, thank you ahma for loaning me your ibm. you’re a real life-saver sometimes (:

it’s been raining this past week, relentlessly. it’s just rain rain and more rain, but it’s strange how people say we tend to feel more lonely when it’s raining. i feel strangely happy in a melancholic kinda way when it rains, like a knowing feeling that everybody’s happy outdoor plans are foiled because nature knows better than to let you do what you want. everyone’s stuck indoors, i like it when that happens. forces people to face themselves for once. not to mention, being too lazy to go out for food and ending up feeling hungry…yumm.

ive eaten about…two cookies and a small carton of milk today.

to do: get cracking on scripts, finish french revision, tie up loose ends on christmas at granny’s party, LAUNDRY, love.

free hugs, anyone ? (:

Monday, December 18, 2006
Good Lord,

during a reunion lunch with some friends on saturday, a friend sat on my laptop thinking it wasn’t there and only discovered she was sitting on it at the end of lunch after much bouncing and weight-gaining. therefore, its LCD screen is unbelievably cracked, FUBAR (F***ed Up Beyond All Repair). well not really beyond all repair but replacing the screen would cost me $1050 exclusive of GST and getting a new macbook would cost about $1900. either way, too expensive. what am i to do?! it’s a good thing it’s the holidays now but then again i really need to go online to check schedules and things that are always changing and to coordinate with people outside hall and if i don’t get it fixed or get a new one before christmas i’d be so boogered when it comes to bidding for modules so dear God please send me one for christmas.

i’m currently in the process of writing a script about colours. supposedly. except it has nothing to do with colours, yet. so far all i can say is, there’s a dua pui and a sabrina a.k.a hong hong and a mary who loves white. how does that sound? (: shit.

forgot to bring handphone charger back from hall.

i’m down with a cold. am wearing magnets on my feet because mother says they’ll do wonders for my blood circulation.

my brain’s swimming with ideas for the script actually, but joe’s warnings about censorship keeps popping out just when my thoughts start getting too saucy. racy. coloured.

im tired and i want to sleep.

“the future is a vision of the past” what the heck.

Friday, December 15, 2006
hello (: today, i’m a happy girl. and i don’t really know why. (and i’ve discovered that it’s possible to feel happy and sad at the same time)

volleyball was fun today, and relatively progressive. swollen forearms but that’s okay, i guess.

i think i’m happy today because i realise i’ve people around me who i care for and who care for me, enough to make it all worthwhile. and that’s more than enough. so LOVE okay ?

we don’t need to prove anything, at all.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006
i have half the mind to use blu-tack on the ants that are taking over my table.

my stomach is acheing from the situps during training yesterday. i feel like eating subway’s chicken salad.

“steal your own island, then make carrots legal citizens on your island, then make hobbits sing the national anthem.”

i’m off to do some revision now, excoooose my french.

it says three nineteen on my computer clock and four twenty on my wooden clock. everything in my room is suddenly, suddenly spoiling. first my clock stopped, then my printer stopped working, then my television becomes black & white and fuzzy (just when ellen’s show came on some more) who knows what’s going to break next. how depressing.

i am growing fat. i am not fat, yet. and i’m not being ano”ROX”ic seriously i know i still look far from fat but looks can be deceiving. when i say i’m growing fat, i’m growing fat. and i have decided to stop eating supper and start eating healthy again like i used to. that means no more prata and beer and ice cream and chocolate bars and cookies (well sometimes, maybe) but not everyday, okay!? okay. but then what does that leave me with. vegetables. (…) i know, since i cannot for the life of me figure out what i have tomorrow (no meetings, no trainings, no rehearsals i think!) i will…oh wait i have to sit and churn out two 15-minute long scripts by the end of the hols so yes i do have something to do but still, i think i will go to holland village or something to shop for groceries. at the green grocers! i love saying that. green grocers. reminds me of crisp brown paperbags with french loaves sticking out like in the enid blyton stories. so point is, i will start getting lithe, again. or else spiral into a bout of depression what with an impending giving away of a particular sister and various other rather depressing factors.

speaking of depressing. lily allen’s cd is turning out to be rather depressing, in an odd way. it sounds cheery and merry but if you listen closely to the lyrics its all about younger brothers smoking weed and boyfriends screwing other girls and jesus christ almighty. she’s all about sex and ciggies and “i suppose that’s just the way the cookie crumbles”. you know.

why am i depressed today? well i wasn’t, frankly. not until i saw her lighting up.

god cure us all.

one day i think i’d fancy sitting down to a nice cuppa and writing about my dream home (:

Tuesday, December 12, 2006
how strange, i slept at four something yesterday doing nothing. no meetings rehearsals supper (okay we did do supper but that was around 12) projects assignments or talking with friends. somehow i looked at the clock and it was four plus i was so astonished that i went to bed immediately. tee hee. and something else strange, today i wore my underwear inside out and i knew it was inside out but i didn’t do anything about it. so i just left hall feeling oddly at peace with the world, wearing your undies inside out has that effect on you did you know? and also, uhm. oh yes i bought the lily allen cd at long long last today while i was at vivo with xjae, we were there to watch the nativity story and we ate carls jr and we visited page one the bookstore with nice slanting bookcases that xjae says is to create the illusion of mountains? i just think they’re fabulous cus it makes me abit giddy and feel like i’m in some wonderland with strange, obscure books full of dust. so anyways, i spotted the lily allen cd there (somehow i knew they were going to have it) and i bought it (:

guess what, my sister is getting married. i know, nuts right. i know i sound rather infantile about this whole deal but really. i don’t know how to describe how i feel about her getting married i know i should be happy for her but i’m in that whole WHATTHEHELLSOFASTWHYYOUNEVERASKMEFIRSTIDONTEVENKNOWHISSURNAMEAREYOUDAMNSUREYOUWANNADOTHISDONTBECRAZYANDWHYISTHEFAMILYSHRINKING state. yet i don’t think i could bear to express any unsureness in front of her because a wetblanket in the face of an impending marriage is like seeing your yummy scoop of yet-unlicked pralines and cream ice cream roll and tumble off your cone and splat on the floor. not very nice, that means hor. okay i should stop.

oh the songs in the cd are so darn cute i cannot take it anymore. ALFIE (: i have the sudden urge to stop spending money on lousy things like prata and beer and start using my money for books and lollipops, only.

mary and joseph sitting in a tree

Monday, December 11, 2006
okay! at last i’ve found the mood for bali blogging. somehow i’m too lazy (surprise surprise) to do the whole day one day two day three thing. i took a whole yummy stack of photographs but mostly of random nonsensical things like graffiti on the wall, interesting-looking shopkeepers, rolliepollie old women in tiny green bikinis (awwww) and my mummy aggie with the sun setting in her hair (: there’s one of a shop sign that read “bloody good art shop” as in that’s the name of the shop and it was stenciled in black and white. fabulous. and another one with mummy aggie looking like a blushing bride emerging from a warm orange room peeking from behind a virginal white lace curtain. and tons more, you’ll only have to ask.

the spa, ooh. where do i even begin. okay yes we had to be in the nude ‘cept for this pair of black disposable undies they supplied us with. it was crazy beautiful from the get go when they opened the gates of paradise to reveal (i’m not kidding) this lush green patio lined with quaint wooden doors, there were sounds of water cascading and birds? chirping and flowers and everything and delicate indonesian ladies smiling at us from wherever they were in their batik gear. it was the ultimate detox of any singaporean stress and evil we might’ve had lingering inside. like, if a smile were made of metal, this place was a supermagnet. anyways. then these two batik ladies smiled and opened one of the wooden doors to let aggie and i in and WOOSH there was this whole other private sanctuary like REALLY i should have taken a photo except it seemed so darn innappropriate to do so i mean it’d be like going to heaven and taking a picture of it. i mean, who’re you going to show it to right. okay nonsense. so there was real dope music and incense going on and there were these two bee-u tiful beds that were orange and red and really funky in fact the whole place was decked out in saffron and magenta and rasberry maroon and all the other yummy colours i’ve always wanted my room to be hooooo boy. simply orgasmic. just a little beyond the beds was this semi outdoor area that had on one side a yellow jacuzzi thing and on the other side a little private shower made of stone, it’s semi outdoor cus the canopy roof’s made of glass so you can see outside and technically people outside can see you too haha but they’d have to be on the trees to do that. ooh. and the first thing they did was give us matching sarong robes to change into (and the black undies of course) and after doing that, and all the while i was gaping in wonder at our surroundings (all for us!!!) they came back in and served us delicious hot lemon tea and a icey cold mint towel. oh my god how shiok is that you tell me. then they soaked our tired feet in a basin of heavenly warm water and scrubbed them with some lime thing mmmm and then they proceededdd to massage massage massage i tell you they have a way with their fingers these balinese girls. OH and you know when you lie face down there’s a hole where your face is so you don’t suffocate? there was a bowl of floating flowers under that so i could close my eyes and sniff the nice flowery smell. peewee. pardon my amatureishness, twas my virgin spa experience you must understand. so they massaged us till we felt like octopi being moistened for sushi. and after that still not enough you know! they slathered this cold gooey thing i think they called it the tropical fruit treatment (mmm) and wrapped us in a thin batik sheet i felt like a popiah through and through. very cold but damn shiokadoodles man. then they unwrapped us and voila! they began brushing the tropical fruit paste off us and it fell off like rubber dust. so funny. oh my god i sound like a mountain turtle. but seriously, you won’t understand till you go try dipping yourself in papaya puree and see how you feel. then they did alot more things i was too deeply in my state of bliss to care what they did. afterthat….they let us go shower off all the papaya and what not the shower was nice and warm and we felt like new born papayas babies washing placenta off our brand new fuzzy skins (: THEN they left us alone to shower and lower ourselves into the oooooh so warm tub that was full of milky liquid (they dissolved some milk stuff in it beforehand) and fullll of floating pink and white petals. i tell you, going into the water was like…i don’t even know how to describe the sensation…like i was being dipped into a bowl of freshly roasted marshmallow goo. yes like that. its the epitome of shiokness lah. then, shower again. then! still now enough know. they came in again after we’re all nice and warm in our clothes sitting there grinning like idiots in preschool after their milo and biscuits, and they served us warm ginger tea with a cinnamon stick and a small plate of green tea paste to moisturise. mmmmm. talk about legendary service. to top it all off, the hotel ferried us there and back in an airconditioned mini van. oh pure bliss. what else can i say.

okay im damn tired. shall rant about bali further another time. i’m going to see for the first time the dp script and casting list. -crosses fingers and toes-

Sunday, December 10, 2006
“If he treats me like this when my breasts are large, I will run away to another village.”

hee hee.

Friday, December 08, 2006
hello hello hello okay this needs do be pre-tty quick because the computer screen in my hotel’s ‘hotspot’, as they prefer to call it, is so damn blur its like trying to read through a bowl of mee tai mak soup. i’s going blind. OKAY! so i’m in bali. mother aggie is currently in our room, praying. don’t laugh, that’s what she’s been doing i swear she never stopped praying from the minute the plane left singapore because indonesia is full of witchcraft and black magic and there’s an evil sorceror hiding behind every palm tree that lines the roads, waiting to turn us into toads. not like we don’t look less strange already with me dragging this one aggie around i tell you there’s so much to tell and ive only been here one day its the most amazing holiday i’ve ever been on, not that my other holidays weren’t amazing but this one’s quite quite different. for one, it’s my first trip alone with aggie and that alone is amazing not to mention we’re in BALI. like woooo, danger wo. icks did i just say wo!? must be the heat. OH. MY. GEISHA. i tell you. the heat is like. is like, this is the cannot. really. let’s just say no wonder bali is famous for it’s roast pork. okay okay i have to go soon. i bought alot of things! okay not really. quite alot. mostly singlets because they were oh so appealing when the temperature was almost 40 degrees bloody mary celcius. my mother and i stopped for an A&W rootbeer float one too many times and we were sweating so much we didnt need to pee at all. HAHAHA. okay ew. AND FOR THE CLIMAX….de de de DUMMMM….the spa was like…..saffron heaven. i must totally just dedicate one entry to the spa because this is the cannot. kapiche?! kapiche. and the FOOD!!! and the WALKING!! and the BARGAINING!! and the ANGMOHS!! and the TAXI DRIVERS!!! omg. the taxi drivers. and the…OOOOH i took tons of photos. okay not really tons but uh, i normally get tired of snapping but no not this time! i shall follow through, i promise? and develop them. still got one and a half more days to go! haven’t done alot of things! i should really stop using exclamation marks!!!

SEE YOU IN A WHILE WORLD

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
after three straight weeks of succumbing to inertia, i’m home i don’t know how to put into pretty, moving words how home’s so much different from hall but one thing’s for sure, the rice is alot softer. updates! benji got a shave! he looks much less brown and much more grey than he did when i last saw him. aaaand, actually that’s it. home’s the same ol’ same ol’ squeaky clean, immaculate and dust-free haven that’s such a far cry from e208 it’s not even funny. for lunch today, i drank soup. hot, tasty chicken herb soup. not luke-warm water with some bits of carrots floating around. eulch pfft. for dinner yesterday, oh no i missed dinner because i (gasp!) slept through it. i woke up in pitch darkness, it was 10pm and i was starving. so i crept into the kitchen and fixed myself a bowl of oh!s with yummy cold milk and an apple. mmm. i think i’ll go eat the lime and pepper chips i saw lurking around the breadbin yesterday (:

enough ranting about the difference between home and hall. did i mention i’m in love with the sweetest boy on earth he looks like a baby seal with a fat nose and when he smiles……….siiiigh. okay i know this is a tad un-sociological but seriously, how could a boy like park tae hwan have the tiniest mean streak in him. there’s just no way. one tiny flaw in this perfect christmas present though, i mean apart from the fact that he’s a korean national swimmer who owns the asian record and totally knows not i exist, is he’s a south korean schoooolboy, seventeen. in my defence, i’m a singaporean schoolgirl (too!) and he’s almost ten cm taller than me, which is much much more than i can say about fellow nineteen year-old schoolboys on my side of the straits. siiiigh. sometimes everything can be expressed in a sigh, and if i sigh anymore i’d be out of air.

im going to bali tomorrow!!! lookin forward to hanging out with mother aggie, spa-ing shopping soaking crabbing beaching photowhoring tanning okay see yall when i get back!

p.s. iloveparktaehwan.

Monday, December 04, 2006
and here i go again. i’m wondering if there’s really a trend to this whole bitter sweet and strange starting and stopping of my life-enriching blogging experience or if it’s just tale as old as time song as old as rhyme beauty and the beast. (what am i saying?)

the last paper of my first tirade of exams in the little school of pigs has just set me free, free as a bird in a toiletbowl. i’m in my room, listening to my “the best of country sing the best of disney” cd that i bought from china. it makes me feel nice and warm inside albeit a bit infantile but still, i like (:

as usual, my first post whenever i attempt to rekindle my passion for blogging (cough cough) is incoherent and serves no purpose whatsoever except that of showing me how my new template will look like. so many things have happened since i last posted so, slowly slowly slowly ok. i’m getting old. YAAAAAYYY!